Sunday Mirror (Northern Ireland)
I talk to my dead son every day
EVERY day Kym Marsh wakes up and the first thing she sees on her bedside table are precious mementoes of the child she would never see grow up.
A small engraved box bearing the image of an angel carries the ashes of her child, who was born 18 weeks premature and died minutes after he was born.
Prints of his tiny hands and feet are in a frame and sit alongside a candle and a card with the first letter of his name, Archie, completing a collection of treasures that keeps the memory of her lost child alive.
The Coronation Street star says: “I think of Archie every day. I still talk to him to say goodnight or I love you.
“We never got to know what kind of a little boy he was or what he would’ve liked. What colour would his eyes or his hair have been?
“Would he have liked Thomas the Tank Engine, or going on holiday, or which football team? All I know was that he should have come home with us. So that’s what we did.
“We took his ashes home in a tiny box and I keep them next to my bed.”
There is an inscription on the edge of the box and Kym recites it off by heart.
“Your presence we miss, your memory we treasure, loving you always, forgetting you never,” she says.
The actress lost Archie – her child with ex-partner Jamie Lomas – 21 weeks and five days into her pregnancy in 2009.
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Only last year the 41-year-old played out a harrowing storyline on ITV’s Corrie which echoed her loss – with her character Michelle Connor having a miscarriage at 23 weeks.
It was a difficult time for the star, who had to explore the vast swathe of emotions she has spent nine years coming to terms with.
As she recalls the agony, Kym touches the silver necklace of a baby boy with angel wings that she never takes off.
It was given to her by her children for Mother’s Day to remind her of Archie.
“It’s a wound that will never heal,” says the former Hear’Say singer. “There will always be an Archie shaped hole in our lives.
“Losing a child takes you to a very dark place and you go through many different emotions – grief, denial, anger, the feeling of being alone and guilt for not bringing your baby safely into the world.
“It’s not something you get over, but you have to come to terms with it, accept what’s happened as part of the healing process. “Once you’ve accepted that horrible thing has happened to you, only then can you start to move forward and rebuild your life.”
To commemorate Archie’s short life, Kym, who describes herself as “a mother-of-three and one angel”, always releases a balloon covered in messages of love on his birthday – and on other special occasions too.
On Mother’s Day, Christmas and New Year the actress and her children spare a moment to think of the life they lost.
And as the day that would have been Archie’s ninth birthday, February 11, approaches, Kym is planning the biggest memorial of her lost son to date.
On February 10 she is hosting the first Archie’s Footprint Ball in aid of child loss charity The Mariposa Trust.
“I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a very long time but I’ve never found the right time,” says Kym.
“Losing a child is one of the most difficult things anyone can go through, but you have to somehow find a way to carry on. I’m a big believer that out of something bad something good should come too. We are doing this in Archie’s memory but with the intent of helping other people in a similar situation to rebuild their lives.”
It will be an emotional event for Kym and her family, including her mother Pauline Marsh, who also miscarried in her 20s. But she will have the support of her family, including her children David, 22, Emily, 20, and Polly, six – the “miracle child” she gave birth to at 33 weeks following a complicated pregnancy three years after Archie’s death. Kym’s ex Jamie, 42, who appeared in Hollyoaks and I’m A Celeb, is Polly’s dad.
Her boyfriend of three years, health and fitness consultant Matt Baker, will be at her side at the charity ball. Kym says: “Matt is so supportive and he’s always involved in our celebrations of Archie.”
She hopes the evening will help others who have lost a child. Kym also believes Archie will be watching over her as they mark the anniversary of his death.
She adds: “He’s always present in our lives and he always will be. I feel like he’s all around. I don’t feel there’s ever a time when he’s not with us.” Kym recalls a
Losing a child takes you to a dark place... grief, denial, anger, loneliness and guilt KYM MARSH ON THE PAIN OF LOSING HER TREASURED ARCHIE
recent experience when daughter Emily was alone at the family home near Warrington, Cheshire, and the electric toys in Polly’s playroom turned themselves on – while the kettle and washing machine also fired up.
The family believe it is Archie’s spirit showing his presence in their lives.
“None of us were scared by it, it was a comfort, knowing he’s around,” adds Kym.
The family had experienced Archie’s presence in 2016, on the anniversary of his death. They heard the sound of running upstairs and when Kym went to investigate she sensed floating orbs – which her children videoed. Then, at the precise minute Archie was born, they heard the sound of a baby cry. Kym sees it as further proof of a connection with Archie.
And although she can no longer have any more children of her own she is looking forward to the day she becomes a gran.
“I think I’ll be quite a cool grandma. I want to be called ‘Lolly’, because whenever my grandchildren come round I’ll give them lollipops. I think it’s a sweet name.”
Archie’s Footprint Ball in aid of The Mariposa Trust is on Feb 10 at the Hilton Hotel in Deansgate, Manchester. For tickets visit entertainmenttoday.co.uk/kymmarsh/
I’m a big believer in that out of something bad, something good should come too...
ACTRESS KYM ON CHARITY BALL IN ARCHIE’S MEMORY