Quotes of the week

I’m back

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes round after emergency open-heart operation

Please tell me this is a bad dream

Former Aussie cricket captain Michael Clarke is knocked for six by the ball

tampering scandal

Another full house

Comedian Jimmy Tarbuck surveys the congregation at Ken

Dodd’s funeral

Maybe I’ll upgrade to a better brand of teabag

Unemployed dad Paul Long scoops a £9.3m

Lottery jackpot

Their cockpits were full of ghosts

Battle of Britain fighter pilot Geoffrey Wellum recalls seeing Spitfires in

a recent flypast

This looks like the same old story of the establishment being strong on the weak and weak on the strong

Labour MP Frank Field attacks the decision

not to ban tycoon Sir Philip Green as a director

over the BHS collapse

We’ve got ’em in Kent - I’m serious over Folkestone, Dungeness and Hythe

Broadcaster Paul O’Grady

says he’s being watched

by aliens

It’s just another day for me. I celebrate all days the same now

England’s oldest man Robert Weighton

turns 110

I manned up and did it

Self-taught scientist Mike Hughes blasts into the Californian sky using a home-made rocket to

prove the Earth is flat

It’s the happiest day of my life

Nobel Peace prize winner Malala Yousafzai

returns to Pakistan six years after she was shot

by the Taliban

MOURNERS