It’s time for men to talk.. even to a robot

When I think about how my dad dealt with the challenges in his life, there is no doubt he had mental health issues. Knowing what I now know about the way stress and depression manifest themselves, I realise he suffered in silence – at a time and in a community and culture where mental issues were never acknowledged. As an Asian man, he was expected to be the family provider who could “man up” in hard times. Anything less, he would have seemed weak.

I do remember him being strong, but I also recall him taking out his anger and frustration on us. Now, as a parent myself, I know that part of his behaviour was because he didn’t know how else to cope with depression and an inability to communicate his feelings.

At just 19, he left his country, family and friends in search of a better life. In 1965, he came to the UK with £10 in his pocket and, although an intelligent man, he readily worked in the lace factories of Nottingham. The shifts were long, the behaviour racist, but he kept his head down. He couldn’t afford to get fired.

In his late 20s, he lost his oldest son. Even though he went on to have four more kids, I never heard him talk about that death and the impact it had on him.

In fact my dad never talked about his feelings. Even when his parents died in Kashmir and he couldn’t afford the air fare for their funeral, he never talked about it.

His mental health manifested itself in the form of immense anger and withdrawal from his family, as well as depression. It does break my heart to think that my dad would have felt isolated but didn’t have the strength to open up to a friend or a doctor.

I believe many men of that generation, regardless of race, can relate to this. UK male suicide rates are three times higher than women’s.

But things are moving in the right direction.

Last week the Government appointed what is thought to be the world’s first minister for suicide prevention.

And we’ve also seen the launch of a smartphone “chatbot” called HARR-e after a study showed men were three times more likely to confide in an Artificial Intelligence (AI) robot than humans about life, love and their emotions and anxieties.

Men’s preference is tech over people. I’m all for my hubby and son talking to a chatbot.

If it makes them happy and lightens their mental load, then I say AI to that.

Dad suffered mentally in silence. It breaks my heart to think that SAIRA ON DEPRESSION FATHER COULDN’T SHARE