Agony of Asian men who suffer in silence

Forced marriage, guilt, shame, double lives – struggles many Asian women face, right? But men are suffering too – only they are too scared to speak out and too busy being labelled terrorists, groomers and women-haters.

Whether you’re Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Indian, there’s one shared value – the need to sacrifice personal happiness for the overall good of the family, the family name and the community.

And while this is a noble value, for many Asian boys born and bred here, it can cause immense stress and anxiety which goes unrecognised in the Asian community and the wider one.

My cousin Tariq, who is in his 50s, says while it’s great that Asian women are finally being heard, men are still suffering in silence.

Being a male in this culture means you are born with responsibilities. You are the head of the family after your father, keeper of the family name and you are expected to live with your parents and look after them in their old age.

You are expected to marry an Asian girl, and then your wife takes over the cooking, cleaning and general household chores.

This is a generalisation, but it is true for many Asian men. My cousin is a British Asian. He was born and educated here, but he was still expected to have an arranged marriage.

Only trouble is, he fell in love with a non-Asian English girl in his 20s depression, with anger and frustration turning to violence.

Even in 2020, young Asian men are facing these same pressures and expectations. It is torture for them. Many men are leading double lives, while the community has its head in the sand over their unhappiness and mental health.

They are stereotyped beyond belief, dealing with racism and prejudice outside their community and being under pressure and she fell pregnant. He had to from keep her and the child, and his love inside it. for them, a secret or risk bringing They shame on the family. are living

He was expected to go to Pakistan unhappy to have an arranged marriage and lives, and bring that girl back to the UK to the cycle show what a good son he was. then

Tariq sacrificed his happiness for repeats itself his cultural expectations and has with their suffered in silence for decades, not own children. able to express how he felt. Yes, we must

He has a relationship with his continue to speak first son and is happy with his out for Asian wife and their children, but it has women. been an emotional battle – and he But we need to can’t help wondering how his life stand up for our men would have panned out if he had as well – and let them followed his heart. know that reaching

Mental health struggles are seen out to mental health as a sign of weakness in Asian men, charities is not weak. and many have turned to drugs They need to find and self-harming, sinking into their voice too.

For some Asian men

He sacrificed his own happiness for his culture...

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