Finally... I have faith in revealing my true self

This week I received a disgusting message from a troll, which made me think it’s high time I came out of the closet to proclaim that I am not a practising Muslim.

It has taken me till the age of 50 to find the courage to say it.

I’m doing it now for my own wellbeing. I want to be honest and feel free to live my life by my own rules.

I feel that by saying this as a public figure, I will no longer inadvertently confuse or unintentionally hurt others of the Muslim faith.

I must be clear that I do not represent any Muslim communities – especially Muslim women.

The problem for women like me, who have a Muslim name and are of Asian heritage, is that others make assumptions about us before we even open our mouths.

People assume that because we have Muslim parents we are practising Muslims, that we have read the Quran, that we fast every Ramadan, that we don’t drink, that we don’t have sex before marriage.

I respect people who have Islam in their lives – some are the most humble people I know.

However, I don’t share their conviction. I’ve tried hard over many years, not for myself, but for my parents and the wider family.

As a woman, the more pious you are, the more respect your family is given. My family mean the world to me, so I’ve pretended to be someone I’m not to make them happy. But the trouble is, when you live a lie you only hurt yourself. Saying I’m Muslim and then having a boyfriend behind closed doors, wearing clothes that go against the Muslim dress code, having a cheeky drink and living a non-Muslim life only brings guilt, self-loathing, loneliness and a feeling of being caged.

I know that one of the reasons I have been so angry and unhappy in my life is because of the many contradictions I’ve had to live with.

My milestones have always been tinged with shame and guilt – marrying Steve, being on the telly talking about my life, adopting a child, and not following Islamic rules on her inheritance rights.

When you have no passion or conviction for what is expected of you, no matter how hard you try,

The pandemic has been difficult for everyone, but it has been particularly challenging for parents of babies and toddlers in lockdown. So many families are finding things tough – financially, socially and emotionally. Many parents or carers of really little ones have never felt more isolated and lonely. They are struggling to balance work with entertaining the kids and keeping on top of the household chores. It’s exhausting. And this is on top of the limitations on social

REAL ME Having a drink with hubby Steve at Xmas your true feelings will rise to the top and you will have to deal with them. I’ve not dared to share these feelings before because the very few Muslim women who have already made the admission are called sinful and some have even been targeted with death threats.

But as a 50-year-old educated, independent woman with my own family and life experiences, I now have the courage to say that I’m not practising.

What I am is someone brought up in the Muslim faith, with parents who practised it. So I have an insight into Islam. Most of my values are based on the spiritual aspects of the Muslim faith.

But I’m also influenced by other spiritual teachings.

I have found a huge relief in being honest.

I feel this was the last taboo to overcome before I could live my best, most happy and fulfilled life.

I want everyone to know I’m not a practising Muslim

support networks, and the closure of public services and spaces.

So Save the Children, Barnardo’s and Home-Start are among 17 leading charities supporting a campaign to encourage people to do a #LittleGoodDeed.

The aim is to remind us all that small acts of kindness can go a long way. Something as simple as a phone call or a note through the door can be a real boost to remind parents that they’re not alone.

With that in mind, I’ll be baking some cakes with the kids for a fellow parent, which I’ll leave with a note to remind them I’m here for them.

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