Schools... the saviours of all our sanity

I’m elated that the kids are going back to school tomorrow.

Will I miss them? No. Will they miss me? NO. Am I looking forward to dropping them off at school and coming back to a quiet, clean home where the kitchen hasn’t been turned into an art room, science lab, gym, warehouse, office, storage facility and meeting area? YES.

I’m looking forward to not cooking three times a day and shouting, “Take a break from those screens” and “Can you please be quiet, I can’t hear myself think”.

I love my family to bits, but to live and work with them 24/7... no thanks – we function so much better when we have some space.

A RETREAT promising “heightened states of sexual ecstatic full-bodied orgasmic bliss” on Bali has been foiled by police.

An Australian “sex guru,” 51, behind it was arrested over possible breaches of immigration rules.

Islanders outraged about the event, costing participants about £350 each, reported it to police.

Foreigners need a visa to work in Bali. Police did not charge the unnamed man who has been released after he told them the retreat was just for yoga.

SOME 86% of couples argue about their home’s temperature, says a survey.

Energy bills spark the bust-up for 48%, yet 69% turn up the heat instead of putting on a jumper.

In Birmingham 52% of people are unlikely to put the heating on when cold, and most homes are 18C.

In Nottingham they are 19C, Derby 20C, Edinburgh 24.6C and in Newcastle 25C or even higher.

HeatingForce.co.uk’s survey also found 75% change the thermostat behind their partners’ backs. A spokesman said: “With the big freeze forecast for the UK, the need to feel cosy and warm indoors is paramount.”

– the time it took Leonardo da Vinci to paint Mona Lisa’s lips Grayson’s Art Club, Channel 4,

Friday, 8pm