No love lost for island of over-tanned clones

This week our resident Goggleboxers Jimmy Coleman, partner Julie and 16-year-old Phoebe, from Bolton, reviewed Wednesday night’s dating show Love Island, on ITV2. JIMMY: Ergh. Caroline Flack made a mistake taking on Love Island. This is so low rent. JULIE: Well at least she doesn’t have to live in that villa they’re all shacked up in. Look at them? They’re all tattooed, over-tanned, semi-naked clones of one another. JIMMY: And here’s two more off the conveyor belt sent in to cause a few fireworks... PHOEBE: Terry’s got a tattoo to rival Cheryl’s bum. And why are the housemates all squealing? Anyone would have thought they were reuniting with a long-lost friend. JULIE: Look at the men, fawning over new girl Kady. JIMMY: Ooh, she looks like butter wouldn’t melt with that innocent face of hers, but I reckon she’s got a game plan here. She’ll do whatever it takes to couple-up and stay in. PHOEBE: Yuck. Sophie’s just copped an eyeful of Terry, then turned to her fella Tom in the hot tub and told him: “I’ve got the horn.” JIMMY: Keep your thoughts to yourself, Sophie. I don’t want to hear them. PHOEBE: I can’t keep track. Terry’s gone off with Olivia now, and her guy Daniel isn’t best pleased. He says he’s a gentleman and would not have ditched her so fast. I feel for him. JIMMY: What? I think they’re all taking it far too seriously. They barely know each other... JULIE: It’s clearly all for show. Whatever happened to Beauty and the Geek? At least that confronted stereotypes and the two groups taught each other something. JIMMY: Hear, hear Julie. I’m too old for this. And I wish they’d all stop saying “he mugged me off”, “she mugged me”. They sound like they’re being attacked. JULIE: Two of them have just been talking Portuguese. They clearly have a few brains. PHOEBE: Oh Lord, listen to Javi. Or Havi... JULIE: “Zara’s a floating piece of wood in the ocean and if I needed to cling on I would...” Why does he talk about women in such a derogatory way? PHOEBE: “Kady’s a super-yacht” – well we know he won’t be setting sail with her. She’s not interested in you, Javi! JIMMY: It’s all very 18-30 Club to me, ladies. I wouldn’t watch this again for love nor money. Brew anyone?