Why do all my dates end up just wanting to be friends?
QFor the third time in a row, a man I fancy has taken me out a few times and then says he just wants to be friends. It’s like every bloke I fancy gets sick of me really quickly and wants to move on, when I would love a real, longterm relationship. It’s getting me down and I’m wondering what’s wrong with me. My girlfriends think I’m too needy – but I’m nearly 30 and I do worry about being old in a young market. Anne says: Don’t be too hard on yourself – dating is a tough business. And please don’t look at 30 as being over the hill.
It may be just coincidence – it could be that the types of men you fancy aren’t “keepers”, or indeed your girlfriends could be right in that your longing for a “real relationship” is coming through too loud.
Whatever the reason, do not despair. How are you meeting these men? If it is just by accident, then you might consider an introduction agency, or online dating – though A routine smear test saved my life. I was found to have a stage 3 cancerous tumour on my cervix. I had not had any symptoms so it was a massive shock.
After seeing a cancer specialist at Leeds General Infirmary I had a CT scan, then I was admitted for surgery. I had three procedures in 10 days. The first was a “look around”, then I had a radical hysterectomy, followed by further surgery after a tube inside had become blocked, causing MRSA.
Seventeen days later, I was discharged. I had six weeks of radiotherapy, and five years later got the all-clear. Judy Hanson, 58
East Yorks make sure that it is a reputable company, with subscription members.
Some agencies arrange lunch and dinner parties for singles to meet, some offer a bespoke matchmaking service, though these can be much more expensive. Nobody can guarantee you’ll find the perfect man, but at least this way you should meet up with men who genuinely want the real thing, as you do.
A cheaper alternative is to tell your friends you want introductions – and go out on dates with others so that, if the same thing happens again, you This is a herb used in Chinese medicine to treat a range of conditions. PROS: Said to help everything from osteoporosis and postmenopausal problems to fatigue and memory loss, plus high blood pressure and heart disease. Some men use it for sexual performance problems. Believed to work by increasing blood flow. CONS: Some varieties could be unsafe when taken over a long period and cause side effects, such as dizziness, vomiting, dry mouth, thirst and nose bleeds. Taking large amounts might cause spasms and severe breathing problems. Unsuitable for people with low blood pressure or after operations as it can stop blood from clotting. can ask for their opinions. If they are true friends, they’ll tell you if indeed you are coming off as too needy!
Often, however, the best advice is simply to work at expanding your circle of friends. Strategise. Figure out what hobbies you have, what activities you like doing, and join clubs and societies where you are going to meet lots of like-minded people.
Don’t look at every man, or even every date, as a lifelong commitment. Relax and enjoy your life and you stand a far better chance of getting what you want.