I was a GP... how could I also be a sex addict?
It took me a long while to admit I was addicted to sex. On the face of it, I had a life most people would envy – a happy relationship and a well-paid, steady job as a GP. But I was living a double life. I had convinced myself I’d never be found out. But eventually my world crashed down around me and I ended up on the brink of suicide.
Looking back, I can see that my addiction took hold at an early age. I first masturbated when I was around 10. I became aroused by a television programme I was watching, which showed some women in bikinis. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I went along with it because it felt good.
As I became a teenager, my compulsions became more intense and I craved the high my body felt every time I had an orgasm.
DESIRE
The internet hadn’t really taken off, so I’d go through the TV guide looking for programmes that I thought might contain nudity, or scantily-clad women.
But I always wanted images which were more extreme, more hardcore.
When I lost my virginity aged 18 to my first serious girlfriend, it was actually a bit disappointing.
But I grew to enjoy sex and for several years our relationship was good.
However, my desire for sex meant I couldn’t be faithful and I began to cheat on her. It’s a pattern I went on to repeat with all of my girlfriends.
I’ve never been faithful to any of them. In total, I’ve slept with almost 90 women. Of course, by then the internet made it all too easy to access porn and to meet women I could sleep with. Three years ago, I’d met another GP. She was perfect and we should have been happy together but I spent a lot of time viewing porn on our shared iPad.
I was also on dating sites and meeting other women for sex, even though I had no desire to leave my girlfriend.
Sometimes we’d be lying next to each other in bed and I’d be texting another woman, arranging to meet up.
Because I had got away with it for so long, I started to look at porn on the computer at work. But eventually, my lies caught up with me.
First my girlfriend discovered via some cookies on the iPad that I’d been viewing porn and browsing adult dating websites, looking for sex. Of course, she dumped me. Then an investigation was launched into my conduct at work.
When they checked my internet history I was sacked. And following a
as many men are affected by sex addiction than women, figures reveal
teens in the UK is now thought to be sex addict
of sex addicts keep the condition secret from friends and family
of addicts in recovery will suffer a relapse – among the highest for any addiction misconduct hearing, conditions were imposed that made it difficult for me to work. Telling my family was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Thankfully they were very supportive, but the shame of confessing to my mum that I was addicted to sex was unbearable. I hit rock bottom and almost hanged myself twice. Sex Addicts Anonymous saved my life. Their 12-step recovery programme works just like Alcoholics Anonymous. It helps you und e r s t and th e psychology behind the condition and what triggers such cravings. I realised sex was filling a void in my life, because I wasn’t happy with who I was as a person. I’ve also had a lot of psychotherapy and, although I’ve had a few relapses, I feel like I am now in recovery. I hope to be able to work as a doctor again and I am writing a book about my experiences in a bid to help other addicts. With porn and dating sites now more accessible than ever, it’s harder to manage the condition but it can be done with the right treatment. I also hope to find love and I think, with the right support, I can still have a healthy sexual relationship with the right partner.