My married lover is a money cheat

QAI am in a relationship with a married guy from work. We spend every Friday night together and then he gives me a lift up North where he has his wife and kids and I have my parents.

He pays for a restaurant meal and I always pay his petrol, because that seems fair. But just recently I found out that he claims the restaurant bill – as well as the petrol – on his expenses! Am I petty to feel so shocked? Not petty, but what is strange is that, in the midst of an extra-marital affair and all of the emotional upheaval that must mean, you find this money thing so stand-out important.

Look, I think the fact that he is prepared to take money off you, in what seems like a fair deal, and then claim it all back off his employers does seem to show up a flaw in his character. Actually, it’s a deceit, isn’t it?

So you have to understand that he is cheating his wife, his employers and also you. Of course, he may desperately need the money. Keeping a family and a lover while also living away from home may be taking its toll, financially as well as emotionally. That doesn’t absolve him, but it might explain his actions.

You appear to be entirely happy with the arrangement however, except for the money problem.

Stand back and assess the reality of your situation. You are having an affair with a man who has other priorities and pressures, and can never give you the “rest of the weekend”.

Is that the path to your own happiness? And what of his wife and family? Don’t they deserve your respect?

I know how complicated it can be, and how torn you can feel if you are in love. But you don’t even mention love, you just seem to enjoy the arrangement.

That’s why I’d urge you now to think about pulling away, before everyone gets very hurt.

And what about you? You deserve better than a Friday night fling, don’t you? Never mind the bitterness you’re always going to feel at the Friday night petrol pump now!

Take the money thing as a wake-up call. This relationship is not founded on firm foundations. You deserve better too.