Jungle love-in is a total turn off
I’m about to say the unsayable. It could even be classed as treason but here goes...This year’s I’m a Celebrity is boring as Hell. As are Ant and Dec.
Now before their zillion fans start screaming what a cow I am, I should say it isn’t actually their fault that they’re being boring. They can only react to what happens in camp and absolutely NOTHING has happened so far apart from an endless succession of group hugs, lots of laughing and a massage muletrain.
The poor lads are there all primed and ready to make comedy but they had no decent material to work with.
SNOOZE
Because what we’re seeing is a bunch of ( fairly) smart people who’ve watched the series for years and know how best not to get up the public’s noses. They know the minute they start sniping, talking behind people’s backs and being selfish, then, courtesy of the public vote, they’ll be chowing down on a kangaroo’s bum bits before you can say dingo dollar.
So they’re “acting” the part of being “lovely, fabulous, sane people” which as marvellous as that might be FOR THEM makes for snooze television.
Which is why instead of bringing in the bloke from Homes Under the Hammer (who none of them recognised) they should have brought back Lady Colin Campbell who would have had everyone at each other’s throats within seconds.
Because the sad truth of reality TV is that there needs to be scrapping – and lots of it.
We need to see the celebrities we revere behaving like 24-carat twots. We need to see their temper tantrums, their selfish- ness, their obsessions writ large. We need to see them stripped of their gloss, their artifice, their make-up and their hair gel.
We need to be fed a massive bitch fest on a daily basis otherwise we’re switching over. And forget people saying: “There’s so much bad stuff going on in the world – it’s heartwarming to see people getting on.”
No it isn’t. If I want heartwarming I’ll watch Surprise Surprise or This Time Next Year. Or I’ll go to a Pam Ayres poetry recital.
If I watch I’m a Celebrity I want to see my celebrities in meltdown, their very worst characteristics laid bare. Because it reflects actual life innit? And it’s not just the people who are boring this year – the format’s looking tired and old hat too. Everyone’s still eating animal penis, they’re still being swarmed over by rats, cockroaches and ants.
They’ve still got the dingo dollar challenge – I even predicted what Ola and Jordan (I know – who he) would be offered after they won their challenge. It was cheese and biscuits if you’re interested.
Last year’s show was just as boring until Lady Colin Campbell morphed from a sophisticated aristo into a frothing-at-themouth She Devil whose undisguised hatred of soppy Tony Hadley was a joy to watch.
Yes, it’s absolutely right and proper that a nice person wins in the end but it’s the baddies that make the show worth watching. And so far there aren’t any.
In fact its only Week One and everyone’s already saying Gogglebox’s Scarlett Moffatt will win. So what’s the point of keep tuning in? If this is going to work it needs to get nasty.
We need to be fed a massive bitchfest daily If, like me, you’re approaching old age wrestling feelings of desperation, fear and panic - just look at this! Barbra Streisand has always been a classy dame but this is her at 74. Yes I know she’s worth multi millions, is married to a God and has a talent the size of China. But come on... this HAS to give hope to all us ladies of a certain age.