I beat crippling, terrifying anxiety to marry man of my dreams
One in 20 people suffer anxiety at some point. Here 30, tells how she conquered it to marry the love of her life
because in January 2013 I was asked along to an interview for a promotion at work. That’s when things started to fall apart.
The moment I walked into the interview room my legs felt like jelly and I started to experience my first-ever panic attack.
I had no idea what was going on. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would jump out my chest. I turned on my heel and ran out of the room.
When I got home I couldn’t stop panicking and crying. I was having a nervous breakdown.
Convinced I’d destroyed my life, my career and my chances with Dan I got on a train home to Bolton.
My mum Ann took me to the GP, who said I was suffering from social anxiety disorder and that it was quite common.
When I saw him write down the diagnosis I burst into tears. It was such a relief to know that I actually had a medically recognised problem. Figures show there are around 8.2 million cases of anxiety in the UK each year, with women twice as likely to be diagnosed as men.
The doctor sent me to a cognitive behavioural therapist, who helped me realise I was in a cycle of negative thoughts and I was given homework to help me change my way of thinking.
Amazingly, Dan supported me. We had been dating for only 10 months and I was sure he’d run for the hills. But instead he came up to see me in Bolton every weekend. When I got back to London I started practising exposure therapy, which involves slowly introducing yourself to your fears.
Dan was there by my side all the way. So it’s no surprise that when he popped the question my immediate answer was ‘yes’!
We booked our big day at Fetcham Park House in Surrey.
I knew everyone would be looking at me and I was a bag of nerves, but my dad and I had a few dress rehearsals walking down the aisle.
On the day itself my bridesmaids helped me take my mind off things by playing charades an hour before the ceremony.
I needn’t have worried – the moment I spotted Dan waiting for me at the end of the aisle, all my fears just melted away.
Now I’m determined to help other people with anxiety.
I write a blog called We’re All Mad Here which has attracted 20,000 followers, and I was nominated for an award from the mental health charity MIND.
I’ve also written a book about my story which gives help and tips on how to survive things like interviews, university, dating, parties and even social media.
I want people to know that if I can overcome this, then anyone can.
We’re All Mad Here will be available in bookshops, on Amazon or at Jessica Kingsley Publishers (jkp.com) from tomorrow (Monday) priced £12.99