COLEEN NOLAN ON HER We’re going to do a lot of talking and if we can’t fix it we could separate
TELLY favourite Coleen Nolan today reveals she and husband Ray Fensome have hit breaking point after living in turmoil for the past year.
She says it is “decision time” as they desperately fight to save the marriage.
Coleen, 51, and musician Ray, 58, have been together for 17 years and married for eight.
But now she admits: “My marriage is in crisis and I won’t lie about it.”
They will spend Christmas together trying to work through their difficulties. But if they can’t resolve the issues, relationship counselling and even a trial separation are on the cards.
Coleen says: “We’re going to do a lot of talking over the next couple of weeks, but if we can’t fix it then I want us to have counselling. The next step is a trial separation.
“But I don’t see that as a failure. It’s important to know what it would be like not to have each other in our lives and it’s a chance to reflect.
“It would be more of a failure if we just ignored it and carried on. We’ve been in this position before and hopefully we can come through it again.”
Almost two years ago, Coleen revealed the relationship had hit a crisis. She battled through it and was glad she hadn’t walked away.
CONNECTION
But this time, she says, it is proving to be more difficult, due to work commitments and long separations.
Ray, a guitarist, has been touring with Rick Astley, while Loose Women panellist Coleen spends most of the week in London filming the show.
“Things have changed massively for us this year,” says the mum of three.
“The kids are older and need us less and Ray’s job has taken him away more. But instead of evolving with those changes, our relationship has just hit a wall and it’s only when you’re thrown together again you realise the connection you once had is gone.
“We’d spend hours sitting at opposite ends of the couch not talking and we’d go to bed at different times. The house would be empty apart from the two of us and I’d realise we hadn’t spoken to each other for days.”
Coleen says turning 50 left her feeling vulnerable when it came to her marriage and admits that her self-confidence hit rock bottom.
She says: “I suddenly felt invisible as a woman and was looking for reassurance from Ray. Six months ago I said to him, ‘I don’t feel like you fancy me any more’ and I told him he had to answer me honestly.
“I was totally devastated when he said, ‘ The thing is, men are visual’. He meant that when he looks at me, he doesn’t fancy me.
“It was very tough to hear, but I’d asked him for the truth and sometimes the truth bloody hurts! He went through a period – perhaps still is – where that physical attraction just wasn’t there for him.
“From my side of things, I hate it when he’s had a drink – he’s the least fanciable man on the planet in my opinion and I told him that. But I’m not going to live off carrots to get down to a size six just to please Ray. Deep down I’m happy with who I am. “But we’ve been together a long time and if we’re to keep going, we both need to acknowl- edge how the other feels and start making an effort for each other.”
Coleen decided to talk about her recent marriage woes after older sibling Maureen, 62 – co-star in The Nolans – revealed her 29-year relationship with Richie Hoyle, 52, was over. Coleen also feels that as an agony aunt for our sister paper the Daily Mirror it’s her duty to let others going through similar difficulties at this time of year know they are not alone.
She says: “I sat next to Maureen on Loose Women when she was talking about her reasons for the split and it set off alarm bells for me. She and R Richie had been living separate l lives and the same is true of Ray a and me. We’d lost that connection.
“Ray is a private man and never d does interviews or speaks publicly. B But he’s aware I’m speaking out a and agrees it’s not something that s should be kept secret. I’ve had so m many letters from people having r relationship problems, which are
We’d spend hours sitting at opposite ends of the couch and wouldn’t speak for days COLEEN NOLAN ON ‘LOSING THE CONNECTION’ WITH HUBBY RAY