Shock your libido and your old man
You’ve got to feel for the poor guy who turned to Mumsnet last week for advice on his wife’s waning post-baby libido – and met with a backlash of negativity and spite.
His sex life had dwindled from twice a week to once every six months, which he freely admitted “just isn’t enough” for him. But the response he got would be enough to put any man off his stroke.
“You are not owed sex just because you want it,” was one answer. While another poster told him: “The way you’re talking I’m not surprised your wife is backing off.”
He was looking for guidance and all he got was a bunch of uptight women telling him to shut up.
His story really resonated with me because, as Loose Women viewers know, I confessed about my vanishing post-childbirth libido on TV and became front page news.
I hadn’t realised I was raising the one subject no one ever discusses: “How much sex do married couples really get – or want?”
And a few months on, not much has changed. I know without even asking that all my hubby Steve really wants for Christmas is me.
He’d happily give Santa a blank cheque if he could get a little action under the mistletoe. But it’s not so easy to find that loving feeling.
As a working mother of two, my mind starts racing the minute I wake up at 6am. What shall I give the kids for breakfast? What sports
kit do they need? Have they got their homework in their bags? Who’s picking them up later? What should I get for tea? What clubs have they got? What should I wear for work today?
Mustn’t forget to phone my mum and my friend or order my new mop head so I can get the house sparkling for when the family come round. OMG, the family are coming round – what am I going to cook?
And so it goes on, all day, until I put my feet up and switch off at about 10pm. Sex is the last thing on my radar.
On the train home I can’t wait to get in, scrape off my make-up and change into my big, baggy PJs, fluffy slippers and the bathrobe that makes me look like the Honey Monster.
Which is what greets my husband every evening when he gets in from work. And now that I think about it, I feel bad for not making the effort. Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. But I must admit, sex with the man you’ve been married to for 12 years is a bit like going to the sweetshop and always buying the same sweet.
You like it, you’re used to it, you know exactly what you are going to get. And that’s where I have been going wrong, according to sexpert Tracey Cox. Reviving the libido, getting the oomph back, is all about “naughty sex” to shock the brain into setting off the sex hormones.
She advises that you have to try new things and push the boundaries. You need to get back in the sweetshop and swap that tired old rhubarb and custard you’ve been sucking on for 12 years for something new like a gobstopper.
You can actually trick your brain into thinking you are having sex with a new partner, apparently.
Obviously you are not, it’s still your old man. But this time, instead of making out like a missionary, you are hanging off the ceiling in a naughty Santa outfit and he’s dressed as Superman because this is your version of “naughty sex”.
So, ladies, who’s up for joining me this Christmas into putting a bit of effort into giving our husbands/ partners their best Christmas present ever – a bit of Noel nookie?
And with my moneysaving hat on, let’s remember it’s a gift that is totally free. So you can treat yourself to a nice comfy pair of PJs to wear afterwards!
Merry Christmas.
There are rumours Amir Khan and his wife Faryal have been approached for a reality show. And it’s no surprise – this week the BBC gave us the programme Muslims Like Us, but after all the Khans’ public spats, what I really want to see is Muslims like THEM.
This could be the Muslim Dallas. It has all the key ingredients – feuding families, a handsome husband, a glamorous wife and meddling siblings.
And a storyline that has me hooked already.