Be brave, Daddy... how my little girl inspired me to cope with breast cancer
Breast cancer in men is rare, with 350 UK cases a year. Backing Cancer Research UK’s s Right Now campaign, Liverpool web designerner 44, tells how he dealt with itt
I was just days from surgery to have a tumour removed from my breast when my little girl Evie leaned over and whispered in my ear: “Be brave, Daddy.” I was pretty amazed, as my lovely sevenyear-old suffers from Down’s Syndrome and very much lives in the moment.
There is no way she could be consciously aware that something was wrong – but deep down, she must have known.
In fact, Evie’s approach to her life, never worrying about the future, was a huge inspiration in coping with my diagnosis.
Evie and I were play-fighting in July this year when she accidently elbowed me in the chest. It was a real ouch moment, and later that night I felt a hard, pea-sized lump in the same spot on my chest.
I’ll admit I’m a worrier and I booked an appointment with the GP without telling my partner, Clare Revill. I didn’t want her to start worrying too.
My doctor looked puzzled when she examined it but booked me in to see a specialist. I went home and told Clare, 42, I had a lump, but I don’t think either of us thought it was cancer. It just never occurred to me – not because I’m male, but because I never thought I’d have cancer.
A few days later I got a call from the Clatterbridge Cancer Centre on the Wirral. When the consultant examined me he also looked a little perplexed and booked me in for a biopsy and mammogram.
I won’t lie about the biopsy – it was quite painful and I actually had tears in my eyes. It made me really concerned about how sore the mammogram would be but the nurse reassured me she’d had women with less breast tissue than me. I’m still not sure how to take that one!
Afterwards the consultant took me into a quiet room and told me they had found an “unidentified mass” and he suspected it was cancer. He was pretty blunt, but I was grateful he was truthful.
I was stunned. I just thought: “This isn’t what I had planned for my life.” I went out into the car park and sat in my car before switching off my phone and driving around for a bit.
I went to a shopping complex where I knew there was a little bar and sat having a Jack Daniels, before getting my thoughts together. Clare had been calling my mobile and leaving messages.
When I got home I just told her: “They think it’s cancer”. We were both very upset but she was amazingly strong, telling me we would get through it.
Five days after the biopsy I decided to put a picture on Facebook showing the aftermath of my biopsy. I told everyone I possibly had cancer but that I would be fine. I wanted to highlight that breast cancer doesn’t just affect women.
I’m not a real blokey bloke, so I didn’t feel any hesitation in sharing what was happening to me or worry that anyone might say something unkind.
I went back to Clatterbridge 13 days later for the results and was told it was definitely cancer and I’d be in for a pre-op a couple of weeks later, and would then have a mastectomy. Already inspired by Evie, I’d been practising meditation to calm myself when I got upset. I trained my mind to think about what I was doing in that moment, instead of about the future. It definitely got me through those tough few weeks waiting for surgery on August 30. The surgery was amazing. The doctors removed my nipple as well as some breast tissue and three lymph nodes. I was back home the next day. The cancer was caught so early that I didn’t need chemotherapy or radiotherapy. I have no embarrassment surrounding my cancer. I’m happy to talk about the fact men can get breast cancer too, and if one man gets a suspicious lump checked as a result of telling my story then I’m happy. Adopting Evie’s attitude helped me through and, although I’m psychologically still dealing with what’s happened, I know everything will be okay. Her words inspired me so much that I designed “Be Brave” t-shirts that raised £200 for breast cancer charities. She’s a little star and, despite what I’ve been through, between her and Clare I’m still a very, very lucky man. Phil is supporting Cancer Research UK’s campaign to beat cancer sooner. Cancer is happening right now, and you can do something to help right now. Visit cruk.org