Pregnancy puts my ambition in the shade

QMy husband is succeeding in his job, getting promotion after promotion. Even though of course I’m happy for him, my selfesteem is at an all-time low.

I was always a career girl, and brought up not to let your husband rule the roost. Now I am five months pregnant, I know my career has stalled and I just don’t know what the future will bring.

On top of this, I feel unappreciated at home and he does little to help.

When those you love seem to be getting it all, you can feel awfully torn between their well-being and your own.

Especially as you have a baby on the way, you may often feel as though you’re actually a burden both on your husband and even your employers.

Despite legislation to ensure against this level of subtle sexism, the working world can still seem stacked against us women at every turn.

The lawyers may tell you that you have certain rights, but the reality is that men often have the opportunity to continue climbing the ladder while you feel absolutely no progression in your own career.

Work is one thing; the frustration you feel at home is another.

Though it may sound clichéd, the best remedy against your personal angst is to first communicate this with your husband to sort out your ideal home life before it slips away from you. You need to talk through precisely what you want out of your marriage.

Stress that it is important he recognise that his success is important for your family, but it can also be to the detriment of a meaningful family life, where both parents should pull their weight at home. It’s crucial, however, in this conversation to make sure that your husband’s now boosted selfesteem isn’t held against him. He’s done well. He’s providing for his family. If this were the 1950s, that would be enough. But in the 21st century, where leaps and bounds have been made in the name of gender equality, we must admit that we still have a long way to go.

He must understand that your self-esteem is just as important as his, especially now.

You may (quite rightly) feel that you shouldn’t have to remind him to be sensitive and tell him how to be a good husband/father, but your silence may be seen as tacit approval of his behaviour.

Correct it now, with sensible discussion, before the baby arrives.

You need to talk through precisely what you want from your marriage before the baby arrives