Fling made me realise how great sex can be

QI’ve been married to my childhood sweetheart for 20 years. I’ve never known anyone else. But a few months ago, I had a stupid fling with a man who I don’t care anything about – but OMG he showed me how a sex life should be!

It was really electrifying – and I don’t get that at home.

How can I even talk about this with my lovely husband without letting him know I cheated? Anne says: Wow! You need expert help – because you clearly still love your husband and this one mad “fling”, while you clearly regret it, has showed up a flaw in your relationship.

It has given you an idea of how amazing the sex could be inside your marriage.

Some would say you should be totally honest and open with your husband, tell him the truth, and explain your deep feelings for him – but also your desire for a sexier and more electrifying relationship.

I’m not so sure that this wouldn’t hurt more than it helps.

Reading your account, we all understand that you strayed, you regretted it, and you now want a more active sex life with your husband.

But he probably won’t read it that way.

He may only focus, quite understandably, on the betrayal.

He will also feel that he compares badly with your fling. That’s not going to do his selfesteem any good at all.

Please go first to an experienced relationships counsellor – and take their advice.

I’d hate for too much up-front honesty to harm a rosy future. After all, even if your husband ends up seeing things your way – and agrees to looking at your sex life in a new light – it’s going to take a big joint decision to embark on a new sexual journey, whether you do it privately or with a therapist.

Relate do offer what they call “sex therapy” and they say: “Clients are often amazed at the progress they make and how well they get on with their therapist, once they are over the initial nervousness at talking frankly about their sex life.”

Apparently therapy can happen once or twice a week over several months, you’re given homework to do, and it can be all very exciting.

Good luck.

It’s going to take a big joint decision to embark on a new sexual journey