Are we history after old fling?

My wife was very ill recently and woke up one morning to inform me she’d had an affair 31 years ago which lasted about six weeks.

I keep asking for more details but she just breaks down. I cannot get my head round why she had the affair because from my point I cannot recall us having any problems in the marriage and I always thought I was a good husband.

Now I can’t be intimate with her because I can’t stop thinking about her with another man. POSED BY MODEL I wonder if your wife told you because her illness made her think about her mortality and she wanted to be honest about something that had always troubled her. It can’t have been easy, taking the brave decision to tell you after guarding that secret all these years, but look at the facts. You have been married a long time and it’s been largely happy.

This short-lived infidelity was a long time ago and you have no idea whether it was anything to do with your role as husband, or merely a fling. I use the word merely because, while flings can be hard to understand, they can be forgiven and gotten over.

Often it’s because a woman is anxious about losing her sense of self to becoming a wife and a mother. The point is, it didn’t damage your marriage then and YOU shouldn’t let it now. Explain to your wife that if you both discuss it with a counsellor you could become close again. Tell her you have forgiven her, and mean it. And then move on. Call Relate on 0300 100 1234.

anne.diamond@sundaymirror.co.uk