UNEARTHS SOME WEEKEND STONKERS... AND STINKERS Bet Jose’s Luk’s about to change

JOSE Mourinho’s Old Trafford was a graveyard for the nation’s accas last season – and it’s payback time.

Stoke, Burnley, Hull, West Brom, Bournemouth, Swansea and West Ham were all coupon-busters, taking a point at Manchester United.

Even the most toothless herbivores in the Premier League jungle suddenly got a taste for Red meat, while United scored fewer Prem home goals than Hull.

A fruitful pre-season and good transfer business says this time will be better – though Mo’s boys still look a tad plodding and wasteful. The raw 3/10 they beat West Ham today is a trap.

The Irons had a dire pre-season, and will be minus key men like firestarter Manuel Lanzini – but they’ve shored up the back.

That tips the balances in favour of the tighter homewin punts, and I like ‘Man Utd win to nil’ at 21/20 (Lads, Coral).

Goals should be far easier to come by at St James’ Park.

It was 5-1 to Toon the last time Newcastle and Tottenham met. Even at 500/1 (Paddy) you’d probably need to be 10 pints and a prawn bhuna into a corporate compliance meeting with Mike Ashley before the ‘same again’ bet today seemed like a bright idea. Newcastle conceded in 15 of HARRY KANE (left) has a suprisingly rare quality punters love to see in a gifted striker – insatiable greed.

Some hitmen have scratched their itch for glory after a single goal, and start jogging about aimlessly with the thumbs up. But Harry’s ‘two or more goals’ stats suggest he’s never soothed.

Last season’s raw data says he’s a 7/1 shout for a hat-trick in any game. William Hill’s 20/1 that he trebles at leaky Newcastle today is huge. Have it. NO DOUBT some type of BBC Sports Personality of the Year award will be set aside for Usain Bolt, the world’s ever-so slightly fastest man. Bolt’s retirement lap of glittering prizes will also include the Légion d’honneur, a Tufty badge and Pipesmoker of the Year, though as an overseas runner he won’t land the main BBC gong – but Lewis Hamilton (left) might...

In a field of ‘personalities’ in sore need of performance enhancement, Lewis could romp the public vote in December – IF he’s just overhauled Sebastian Vettel in a Drivers’ championship thriller only a few weeks before.

Lewis is 5/6 for that F1 crown... but 25/1 for the BBC thing. Same bet? Merry Xmas!