Homework by the book

On Talkradio I spoke to a woman whose daughter is falling behind at school because their broadband speed is so slow she can’t finish her homework.

So rather than going out to play, this poor child spends her break times in the classroom trying to catch up.

It turns out that she’s just one of 1.2 million pupils disadvantaged by slow broadband speeds.

Research by uSwitch revealed that about half of all homework now has to be completed online.

Maybe if schools were better funded they could boost performance by giving kids handy little homework aids called books.

Going to watch live music promotes such wellbeing it can help you live an extra nine years, says a new study.

I hope that helps you, but I’m going to pass.

I can no longer face sleeping in a leaky tent in a muddy field, sharing an overflowing portaloo with hordes of drunks and being squashed and jostled for hours.

You can keep your extra nine years. I’d rather watch Glasto from the comfort of my own sofa thanks.

You know when your mum tells you that if you don’t stop eating Easter eggs you’re going to turn into one? Well, I’m ashamed to admit that it’s actually happening. At least, my belly could easily pass for a family-sized Easter egg – large, glossy and round.

But I shouldn’t be surprised. Since they appeared in the shops five minutes after the Christmas hols I’ve averaged one a day.

My favourite is Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. I don’t seem to be able to walk past them.

My mouth starts watering and then the little devil on my left shoulder whispers in my ear: “Go on, treat yourself, it’s only small, you’ve been to the gym, life’s too short to deny yourself.”

Then the little angel on my right shoulder pipes up: “Don’t do it. Sugar is just empty calories, it ages you, feeds cancer cells, makes you fat and once you start you crave it all day. Just get yourself some nice carrot sticks with hummus!”

I know perfectly well which advice I should follow. But that instant sugar hit, that tempting brown tip poking out from the foil, is just too much to resist – even though I know that afterwards I’m going to feel guilty and disappointed at my pathetic lack of self-control.

Because the shameful fact is that I’m addicted to sugar. It’s my drug of choice. Like millions of others I rely on sugar to get through the day.

According to a recent Mintel report, Brits consume more chocolate per person than any other country in the world. On average, we trough our way through a whopping 8.4kg per year, which is close to 200 bars.

That chocolate comes with a hell of a lot of added sugar. But it also comes with a massive helping of emotion.

Think about it. Every occasion we look forward to in life is linked to sugar – whether it comes in the form of chocolate, cake or alcohol. Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter, Christmas, we give our loved ones sugar to show how much we care.

So it shouldn’t be surprising that when we’re unhappy or lonely or having a tough time, we turn to the sweet jar or the biscuit tin or the wine bottle to cheer ourselves up.

But the sad truth is that, as with all drugs, the pleasure hit not only doesn’t last, it leaves us tired and irritable and craving more.

Of course, not all sugar is the enemy. The natural sugars found in milk or honey or fruit are fine in moderation. It’s the refined stuff in processed food that does the damage. That’s not just in sweets but in everything from white bread and many breakfast cereals to salad dressings and ready meals.

Those of us who exercise regularly can afford to relax the rules a bit. But if we eat the sugar, and then loaf about all day it will be stored as fat. Do that regularly and you’ll put yourself at higher risk of cancer, diabetes or heart disease.

Yes, the food industry should take more responsibility for Britain’s health crisis. Something’s gone badly wrong when it’s cheaper to feed kids pizza and spaghetti sauces packed with hidden sugars than fresh fruit and veg.

But we all need to take a bit more responsibility too, to turn a deaf ear to that devil on our shoulder and try harder to make the right choices.

So I’m starting as I mean to go on. I won’t deny my kids their Easter eggs today. I’ll probably eat some too.

But we’ll also be going for a long walk after lunch.

Because deep down I know long life and health is much, much sweeter than Creme Eggs.

Big, bouncy congrats to Coleen Nolan and the other amazing celebs who did the Real Full Monty on ITV this week to raise cancer awareness and money.

Both the men and women’s shows were so moving. It’s not easy to bare your body in front of thousands of strangers.

But their brave determination to save lives by getting others to check their bodies for signs of cancer was inspirational.