Our award-winning columnist No Meghan-style bliss for many Asian brides
As I watched those loving glances pass between Harry and Meghan last week, I couldn’t help but think of my own wedding.
It was everything it should have been – one of the happiest days of my life. But as I looked into my groom’s eyes and said my vows, I knew I was doubly lucky – so many girls of my cultural background are not allowed to marry for love.
So I was gratified to see the fourand-a-half-year jail sentence passed this week in Birmingham on a woman for taking her 13-year-old daughter to Pakistan and forcing her to sign a marriage contract with a 29-year-old man who then raped his terrified young “bride” and made her pregnant.
For far too long the authorities in this country have backed off from talking about forced marriage – partly due to ignorance of what is involved, but mainly because they are scared of being called racist.
As a British child in a family of Pakistani origin, I grew up watching young girls – and sometimes boys – being taken to Pakistan, India or even to different parts of the UK and made to marry partners their parents had chosen for the benefit of family and community honour.
In many ways, it’s the story of Rochdale and Telford all over again – police, social workers and politicians turning a blind eye to flagrant law-breaking in the name of not
offending religious and cultural sensitivities. Just as they wrote off those girls who were groomed and abused by mainly Asian gangs, they also ignored the plight of thousands of Asian teenagers married off to strangers and made to abandon their education for early motherhood and forced domesticity.
Ask yourself this – if a 13-year-old white British girl suddenly went missing from school, would all the agencies just ignore it?
If the answer is no, and I’m convinced in most cases it would be, why treat a British Asian girl any differently? Finally this seems to be changing, thanks to the many brave women who told their stories.
The law relating to this issue used to be a bit of a mess. It all depended on the victim’s age and where the so-called marriage took place.
The Government’s forced marriage unit identified 8,170 suspected cases in the seven years up to 2017. But the number of prosecutions was in the low hundreds. In 2014, new legislation made it a criminal offence to force someone to marry, with sentences of up to seven years in prison, so hopefully things will improve.
But no law, however tough, is going to deal with the biggest stumbling block: how can young people from cultures and religions which rule them with shame, fear, honour killings and the threat of being ostracised speak out against their own parents or family members?
The victim in this week’s landmark case is now 19.
Thanks to her own mother she was taken to a foreign country and raped at the age of 13, and then had to have an abortion.
Yet SHE is the one tormented by guilt, the court was told, while her mum showed no remorse.
It’s time we all realised that forced marriage is often a form of child abuse.
So if you suspect someone you know is at risk, please contact the NSPCC or the forced marriage unit.
The law can provide huge support. But only by talking honestly about this vile practice and dragging it into the open, will we be able to stop it for good.