MAKE MEDICAL HISTORY
Brighton’s Royal Sussex County Hospital. And Reuben reveals similar kindness shown by neighbours. He says: “I was really slow to get a bump so some people thought I was just putting on a lot of weight. One sweet old guy we lived near kept telling me I’d eaten all the pies!
“When I told him, he was so overjoyed for us and said he’d get the fireworks out.
“I actually liked my pregnant body and liked being bigger. It was very affirming and I really enjoyed it – I’m a man and I get pregnant. There’s a lot of changes to go through but I felt free of that.
“Women struggle with their bodies when they go through pregnancy too, so it isn’t something a trans man would exclusively feel.”
Reuben was three weeks late giving birth and had even jogged around the block to try to initiate the process.
The night before he was booked in for an induction, his waters broke.
He said: “I was able to have a home labour, we had a birthing pool and I was there for 11 hours.
PARTNER
“We called my dad and he got a taxi at 5am, costing £70, to be my birthing partner.
“I ended up being rushed to hospital for a C-section, which was fine, but the recovery was absolutely terrible. I couldn’t move for five days.”
The couple are confident their family situation will be seen as normal as the baby grows up surrounded by likeminded people in their home town of Brighton. Jay says: “It’s about having the right kind of community around us so they are able to see different kinds of family set-ups.
“All we can do is try to be really open from the start with them and other people around us – give them the best chance.”
And although Reuben carried the baby this time, Jay would be open to doing so in the future. They plan to marry next year and are keen not to be boxed off into mum and dad roles.
Reuben says: “Like with many things, people have got it into their heads ‘this is a female thing, this is a male thing’. Having a child is male, female, everyone.
“Even when people go through that pregnancy experience with their partner, it’s a joint thing.
“Wanting to have a baby doesn’t feel like a female thing for me.
“I don’t think pregnancy is the ultimate female experience, therefore it didn’t challenge me as a man.
“It doesn’t make a woman less of a woman if she’s not keen on pregnancy, infertile, doesn’t want a baby. This isn’t a trans issue – it affects everyone.”
All we can do is to be open with them and other people around us
JAY SHARPE ON HAVING TRANS FAMILY CHILDREN