Sex after marriage is simply pants
We don’t have sex, we’re married. So goes the age-old joke. But turns out it’s spot-on. More than a third of women have zero interest in a roll-around, with wives having the worst sex lives.
Even Gwyneth Paltrow, who just announced she is finally moving in with her husband Brad Falchuk after a year of marriage, declared: “Our sex life is over.”
It is so sad that marriage and shacking up together with The One kills off female libido.
Of course there are women who buck the trend, like Real Housewives star Dawn Ward, married to ex-footballer Ashley Ward, who revealed this week they do it three times a week, even after 25 years of marriage.
But it is the norm for sex after marriage – and kids – to be put on the back burner.
I know from experience, work, children, cooking, hormones, bills, life… there are only so many hours in the day and so the last thing on your mind is sex.
But, let’s be honest, we’ve just been using that as an excuse to get out of it, haven’t we?
It is not the real reason we don’t want sex.
You see, when my hubby and I were at our lowest point, excruciating as it was, we had to be honest as to why we were neglecting our physical relationship, despite the fact we were still in love. And we realised that the person we married had changed – and we needed to acknowledge that.
I met my hubby at the age of 25, and I am not that same woman.
Gone are the days when the mere glimpse of his Calvin Kleins and toned torso did the job.
I told him that in order for me to get into the right frame of mind for sex, the foreplay needed to start from the moment I woke up.
And not gropes. It’s letting ME have a lie-in, putting a wash on, ironing without being “nagged”, picking up his own socks.
Because you can’t feel like a sex goddess when you feel more like your husband’s mother.
I need him to be ringing me from work just to say “I love you”, buying me a random gift, even if it’s small. Then and only then, his luck might be in later on.
I need to be respected, appreciated and romanced – without it being sleazy and obvious.
For many couples, when they feel the romance is dead, it’s the start of a downward spiral. People get lazy and take one another for granted.
Of course, I asked Steve what he needed from me. I joke not when he said: “Just sex – and dump the big pants.”
The full extent of his emotional and spiritual needs.
But seriously, talking honestly and openly did help us get over that dry spell.
We now both make an effort to show each other respect.
Which is almost as big a turn-on as watching him hoover the stairs.