No kidding, parents need to be stricter
Home school’s out and summer is here. Six weeks stuck on to the other 3,455 I’ve just spent with my darling children in lockdown.
This pandemic is testing all parents and styles of parenting. It’s why lots of kids are eating crisps for breakfast and going to bed at 11pm.
Not in my house. I’m doing what I do best – old-fashioned parenting.
But these days, talking about boundaries and discipline does seem uncool, overly strict and controlling to many modern mums and dads.
A top professor at Kent University, Frank Furedi, argues that not enforcing boundaries and telling kids off has led to a generation of “infantilised millennials”.
He’s released a book, pointing the finger at parents who’ve brought up a bunch of big babies left “kicking against open doors”.
Giving them a free rein deprives them of that natural process – fighting against parental rules. That’s the stuff that builds your character and shapes your identity.
And it is putting back major milestones, he says, like our children moving from home and buying their own house.
My kids from birth have had very clear boundaries. They must show me – and others – respect. I never let them run around inside restaurants or on the bus or other places. There is no fussy eating at my table. And I am the mother who did not give in to technology, just because “everyone else has one”.
I know my kids have looked at other more easygoing families and wished we were more like them. That lifestyle looks appealing to little eyes – it did to me when I was young. But now I have a family of my own, I appreciate the boundaries my own parents set in place.
Some that were culturally or religiously imposed on me, I did rebel against. As soon as I moved out, I cut my hair, wore the clothes I wanted, travelled and grew so much in confidence.
I can see my kids will rebel against my rules too – 12-year-old Zac started pushing the boundaries when he was seven, sneaking out of the house and walking in his PJs to his mate’s who lived a mile away.
I told him off, but secretly admired his audacity. I know that some of my family and friends look at my parenting style and feel sorry for my children – I could see them rolling their eyes when I’d say I was taking them on a walking holiday, as if I were a cruel mother. But I enjoy walking, I am the parent and I needed a break, so they have no choice.
And they have never missed out on love, freedom or creativity.
I appreciate this pandemic is tough on children. But they will also find comfort and security in those boundaries.
Kids need discipline – and they’ve been robbed of that missing out on school too. So bring on the boundaries this summer – and kids will go back to school, and grow up, better for it.