Are you keeping money secrets?

Campaign aims to get us talking about our finances

Money is an emotional thing. It’s a bit like dieting or how much we weigh: we don’t like to talk about it because we worry

others will judge us.

But not talking about money is causing real problems in society, and they’re having a psychological impact too.

Mind, the mental health charity, puts it well: poor mental health means managing money is harder, and worrying about money makes mental health worse. There’s a vicious circle at play.

Thankfully, there are organisations working to change this status quo, and one of them is the Money & Pensions Service (MaPS).

This month, they ran a campaign to help improve financial wellbeing by encouraging people to open up about their finances, from pocket money through to pensions.

The Talk Money Week campaign also included new research that revealed the lengths we go to in hiding our finances, even from those we love.

A study of more than 5,200 people across the UK revealed 21 million secret financial products. Hidden credit cards were top of the list with 37% of people admitting to having one.

Others had concealed personal loans (23%) or confessed to having a secret savings account (21%).

People in relationships were the most likely to underestimate their partner’s money secrets. Just 23% suspected their significant other of h iding something, whi le 30% admitted their partner did not know their approximate annual income.

According to MaPS, millennials are the most secretive generation,

Having cash you don’t tell your partner about is very important for some people

with 59% admitting they had undisclosed financial products, compared to 26% of those aged over 65.

But other than emotions, why do we find it hard to talk about our finances? I always bring it back to the way our minds work.

Money talks?

American motivational speaker and life coach Tony Robbins says that six human needs drive our behaviour: certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth, and contribution.

He believes that the strongest traits in each of us are dependent on our childhood and life influences.

Financially, two of those needs are somewhat conflicting: connection/ love, and significance.

The former means we want monetary connection in some way; sharing our plans, or perhaps getting help with the bills. But the latter means we like to stand out from the crowd.

If we don’t meet our need for significance with our finances, we’re likely to keep secrets.

Having your own money which you don’t tell your partner about is, as the MaPS research suggests, very important for some people.

Couples are not all the same, and they integrate their finances in different ways. When, how and how far to go are all questions that need careful consideration. And as always, communication is key.

So whatever your approach, don’t allow money to get in the way of your relationship. It’s just the oil that makes things run more smoothly.

Learn more about money and relationships by searching for The Money Planner podcast.