Schools U-turn Tories still dunces at science
We start the year with most of the country locked away, because mixing together is what spreads this illness. So it made sense that the one place the Government was insisting must stay open was schools, where the largest number of people mix the most and touch each other and spread viruses.
You might as well say: “We’ve been very careful around Grandma, as she’s 104 and very frail, and if we knocked her over it could be a disaster. The only thing we do with her, once a day, is make her go ski-jumping.”
Education spokesman MP Robert Halfon said schools must return, as keeping them away would be “bad for the kids’ mental health”.
He’s right, because it’s far better for their mental health to pass on a virus to their mum so she’s gasping in bed in a puddle of sweat and can’t taste anything until August 2023.
The Government’s own body, the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies, told ministers before Christmas it was “highly unlikely” the spread of the virus could be slowed down without closing the schools.
So it’s just as well they tried to ignore those idiots.
If you want scientific advice on anything, such as how to build a rocket to go into space, you don’t ask advice from the scientists you employ to give scientific advice.
What anyone would do is call Grant Shapps and Priti Patel, and see what they think. If you’re lucky, Matt Hancock would chip in with comments such as “Which way is the moon?’ and you’d be in safe hands.
So Education Minister Gavin Williamson said it’s important to keep schools open right up until Friday.
Eventually the advisors must have explained: “Yes Mr Williamson, normally that’s a fair point. Two years ago, if someone suggested shutting schools for six weeks because they look pretty when they’re empty, you could reply it was important to keep them open.
“But at the moment there’s a GLOBAL SODDING PANDEMIC so if we don’t shut them for four weeks now we’ll have to shut them for 10 weeks later which is longer than four weeks and worse for their mental health, you STEAMING IDIOT.”
So the Government did what it’s done all along. It ignored the science, until every scientist screamed this will lead to the R rate rising to 23,548, and almost every parent said they were keeping their kids at home anyway – and then it agreed to do what everyone told it to do a month ago.
When schools do open, Williamson should change the way science is taught. Teachers should say to a class: “Whatever you do, NEVER set fire to dynamite.”
Then, if the kids ignore the teacher, set fire to a pile of dynamite, blow up the school, and finally say “reluctantly we have agreed to try to not set fire to any more dynamite”, they get an A*.
And a place in the Government.