Crater escape from lockdown
FISHING INDUSTRY GOES BANANAS
The British fishing industry is furious because it can’t export its fish.
Since Brexit, each lorry of fish must now go through seven stages of extra bureaucracy before heading to Europe. And each lorry must be accompanied with seven extra pages of forms.
This theme should continue until each individual fish must have a seven-page description written in seven different languages, then be placed in seven ice cubes by seven sisters of seven Eskimos.
For 40 years we were told by anti-EU campaigners that the main reason to leave was the red tape.
Now I realise Nigel Farage was actually yelling: “The EU makes every company fill out three documents before sending a lorry to France. That’s not NEARLY enough. “We demand nothing can get past Kent without 250 customs checks and three regiments of the army needed to fill out the online application.”
Certain newspapers made up a story that the EU said our bananas couldn’t be bendy.
But now each banana will have to be studied by 15 officials who each have to write a short story about it, and paint it with oils and teach it to swim.
So by the time it gets here it will be a pile of black mush, but at least it will be bendy, which is all we ever wanted.
I’ve got to the point now where I accept we can’t do the things that make us human, so it’s all right if we’re going crazy. If you get up at four in the morning and eat cat food, that’s fine, it’s lockdown. If you make work meetings on Zoom more interesting by dressing as an astronaut and telling Eileen from HR you can’t hear her because you’re in a crater, that’s acceptable.
And if you sit on the roof playing Rule Britannia through a hollowed-out cucumber, you’ll be selected as candidate for the Labour party for being good and patriotic.
Kylie Minogue has been in the news for announcing she isn’t marrying her boyfriend. How unfair that some people are considered newsworthy for not getting married.
I announced I wasn’t marrying Rihanna, and no one took any notice. Then I announced I’m not marrying the Queen or newsreader
Huw Edwards, and there was no interest whatsoever.
No wonder the country’s in such a state.