Why Tory party boss Boris won’t pay for it
Itake full responsibility, Boris Johnson said, about the parties that took place during the time he insisted nobody could go to a party. So he’ll carry on exactly the same as before, while other people resign or get sacked.
This is a wonderful use of language. If he goes out for a curry with some mates, I expect he announces proudly at the end of the meal: “I will pay for everything.”
Then he leaves without even paying for his own meal.
Maybe this should be the basis for our legal system.
When a burglar is convicted, he just can say “I take full responsibility for robbing the house…
“I was furious when I found out there had been a burglary. Then when I discovered it was me that had done the burglary, I couldn’t remember doing the burglary. At the time, I honestly believed I was breaking into my own house.
“But when photos emerged of me smashing open a door with a crowbar, I said sorry – so now we should draw a line under it and move on. After all, I was working very hard and we all need to relax by busting into a stranger’s house and taking all the jewellery.
“In any case, while there’s a war in Ukraine, now would not be the time to worry about the trivial matter of me defecating in a sock drawer.
“So I take full responsibility, especially as it was me who made up the laws on burglary in the first place, and from
today I will rob even more houses than ever before.”
Transport Secretary Grant Shapps insisted the party must have been a workplace meeting while the Prime Minister was there, because he’s the Prime Minister.
And if the Prime Minister is somewhere, that must be work.
This must be what Boris Johnson will say if he’s caught having an affair.
He’ll explain: “I appear to be on top of someone, but I am in fact at work, as I must always be because I am the Prime Minister.”
Boris
Johnson still insists he didn’t realise the parties were parties, although they were known as “Wine Time Fridays” and at one of them someone got so drunk they were sick.
As these activities are now considered to be work, everyone should demand their boss pays them for any time they’re drinking wine. People should take their employers to court, saying: “I should have been paid double-time for Saturday night as I chucked up four times and ruined a whole rug.”
But as he’s got away with this, he might as well try it again. He can launch a campaign called Save the Panda and appear every day on TV to tell us it’s essential we look after pandas. Then it will turn out that every morning he dragged a panda into Downing Street and blew it up with gunpowder.
He’ll say he wasn’t aware the pandas were pandas, he thought they were centipedes. Then he can reassure us that the British people want us to move on from pandas, for which he takes
full responsibility.