Isle vote for Love
CRUNCH time, on Thursday night, as news broke of the astonishing result.
“It has been a historic day for Britain as you, the public, voted on something that will shape all our futures. And in the end… “…you dumped Malin.” That’s right, people. As Love Island’s narrator, no less, confirmed, Terry’s other half was the shock evictee from the villa.
The big question of the day, I’m sure you’ll all agree, was would he remain loyal and walk away with her into the Majorca sunset?
Terry: “I’m not going to stay, 100 per cent. I swear on my life. I just couldn’t imagine this without her. Malin is the one I want to be with.”
One hundred per cent. Definitely NOT staying.
At least he wasn’t until, after a further 17 seconds’ consideration, he concluded: “I can’t guarantee I’m going g to be with Malin in a month. If we did break up, I would regret not seeing what t would have happened. If a girl comes in and takes my breath away, it ain’t meant to be Malin.”
That’s what happens when ITV2 offers £ 50,000 for a reality show’s favourite couple – bed- hopping baseness. Love Island is, I accept, morally bankrupt.
Miss GB Zara Holland had her title stripped because of sexual shenanigans in the hideaway.
Jiggy
And on Wednesday, the islanders roared encouragement and applauded as Terry and Malin got jiggy under the duvet with the lights on.
But I’ve no intention of saddling up on the moral high horse.
I’m enjoying the series, something that can’t be said of its rival Big Brother.
The soundtrack is remarkable – Derek and the Dominos, Henry Mancini, Nirvana, Johann Strauss – and you get moments like Londoner Tina mis mishearing Scott’s Mancunian twang: “You come across as butter wouldn’t melt.” Tina: “I’ve never heard that saying in my life. Butter, wood and melon?”
It takes the mickey out of itself gloriously, such as setting out the intellectual level we’re on (Olivia: “Would you couple up with Rachel?” Rykard: “I dunno, like, I don’t know, like, do you know what I’m saying, like, it’s one of them ones...”) and then giving the boys a quiz: “Fill in the blanks from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.”
And the narration is brilliant: “Sophie and Tom are having a chat.
“And it must be important because they’re both dressed in black and I’m using my newsroom voice.”
I’ll even forgive Kady’s spitefulness which erupted at a new girl as partner Scott left for a date with her: “You’re a c***! You’re a b*tch! That dress is s***! F*** you, you Made In Chelsea f***ing reject b*tch! ARGGGGGGGGHHH!!!”
Butter, wood and melon.