May asking for Brexit egg on face

Cracking the whip Tricks won’t bring home EU bacon

HIGHLY paid consultants advise bosses trousering 180 times that of average workers. Shadow Business Minister Jon Mendelsohn says: “They represent a prophylactic for weak and lazy boards.” Too right, Jonny. But it’s how executives afford extra large condominiums. DEMORALISED German soldiers retreating from Italy in 1944 received uplifting invitations in their postbags. When next home on leave the Association of Lonely War Women would be on hand to provide no-strings sex. To avail themselves of this moraleboosting generosity, all the soldiers had to do was stick a logo printed with the letter on glasses they were drinking from in bars and cafes near train stations. The young ladies would then seek them out for a spot of how’s your fatherland. The soldiers were told not to feel guilty about cheating on their wives, fiancées or girlfriends because those women were at it t oo – patriotically supporting the phwoar effort by perking up other squaddies. This disturbing additional information meant the letters had the opposite effect to the one apparently intended. But then the post was not from Germany, but produced in Rome by America’s Office of Strategic Services, the forerunner of the CIA, and smuggled into mailbags on German supply trains.

It was one of the first psy-ops – psychological warfare to make the enemy more miserable than they already were.

I can’t help thinking Theresa May might be adopting a similar approach towards Brexit by psychologically wearing down our EU partners.

If I were a conspiracy theorist I’d suspect the “have cake and eat it” note photographed outside No10 under a Tory aide’s arm was deliberate. I’m not, so it was a cock-up.

Crazy

There’s no cunning plan to convince the EU we have a cunning plan. There’s only a boiled egg.

I’m grateful to the reader who signs himself CrazyHippie for pointing this out. Each time you see the word Brexit substitute boiled egg and everything becomes clear.

They can be hard boiled egg (no access to the EU’s single market) or soft (free trade with Europe).

EU President Donald Tusk says the choice is either hard eggs or no eggs at all, while Mrs May won’t reveal how she prefers her eggs done.

Tony Blair and John Major want to stop the egg being boiled in the first place by having a second referendum to overturn the decision of the first.

One thing is certain. This Brexit business is no yolk.