NELSON S i on 2016

IN JANUARY Justice Secretary Liz Truss was still just a humble junior environment minister, whose duty over Christmas was to slip and slide around in Yorkshire flood water. So it was a little insensitive of Shoreham Tory MP Tim Loughton to invite her to join him in a glass of his local sparkling wine... Breaky Bottom. IN FEBRUARY eccentric Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg named his fifth child Alfred Wulfric Leyson Pius after a king, a saint, a war hero and a Pope. Better than being called after a cat as Jacob is. MPs know him as The Mogg. IN MARCH Brexit Tory MP Andrew Bridgen explained the EU referendum thus: “Ministers who want in are in with David Cameron, while those who want out will be out. When the PM loses he will be out and those who want in will be out too, while those who are out will be in because they wanted out.” Which is what happened. Cameron out, Boris Johnson in. IN APRIL the Foreign Office appointed two-year-old black and white cat Palmerston as it’s new mouser. He lives in the PUSS’s office. Yes, really! The room belongs to the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State. IN MAY Tory Michael Fabricant told how a hedgehog he took into the Commons escaped after pooing on him and scurried off through the debating chamber. MPs were in stitches. I hope Fab has the same effect on you next Sunday, when he’s my guest columnist. IN JUNE veteran Labour MP David Winnick tabled a Commons motion calling for a 12-minute limit on Prime Minister’s Questions exchanges – to cut down on his leader Jeremy Corbyn’s waffle. IN JULY at the height of the Tory leadership contest, former Lib Dem MP and I’m a Celebrity star Lembit Opik told me: “Only three things prevent me from becoming Tory leader. My parents are Estonian, I didn’t go to Eton, and I joined the wrong party.” IN AUGUST Tory whip Chris-Heaton Harris tweeted: “You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If it doesn’t return you’ve only lost a pigeon.” IN SEPTEMBER Edinburgh Festival Fringe audiences heard the best Brexit gag of the year after Scots First minister Nicola Sturgeon threatened a new independence referendum to keep Scotland in the EU. Comic Michelle Wolf said: “The UK will have to call itself the Former United Kingdom. That’s a pretty cool acronym.” IN OCTOBER the MoD miraculously found 4,780 more trained soldiers to increase Army strength to nearly 81,000. It did it simply by changing the meaning of the word “trained.” IN NOVEMBER Labour MP Frank Field wanted water cut off to the Ecuadorian Embassy to stop Julian Assange taking a WikiLeak. But nothing could flush him out. THIS MONTH I suggested you write to local government minister Marcus Jones about parking meters which don’t give change. Postal strikes willing, I hope your messages will be getting through to: 2, Marsham Street, London, SW1P 4DF.