Give it up, Alesha
Ender cred is Goon
PIERS Morgan’s Nigel Life Stories with yet more Farage will give month to airtime later this that rabid, self-proclaimed who man of the people the millions blame for abyss political and financial these facing the UK in divisive, troubled times... Piers Morgan. THIRTY-six performances down, on ITV’s Sunday night jigathon, and host Alesha Dixon unexpectedly goes off-piste. “Jonny and Chrissy, everyone.” The first, and only, time all series she’s strayed from: “Give it up for…” every single contestant on Dance Dance Dance, one of those terrible international formats that’s landed before we could brace for it.
An early contender for worst show of 2017 that surely has the year’s “most pointless TV endeavour” in the bag already. Five celebrities and their chosen partners “recreate the most iconic pop and movie dances of all time” for reasons unknown. There’s a judging panel, of course – Ashley Banjo and a right pair of name-droppers, Tina Landon and Timor Steffens: “When I worked with Michael Jackson…”
Even the show’s choreographers get name-checked. JLS singer JB Gill’s wife Chloe: “Galen (Hooks) has worked with Janet Jackson, Usher, Ne- Yo…” EastEnders’ Jonny “Paul Coker” Labey, Corrie’s Lucy-Jo Hudson, Emmerdale’s Fiona Wade, “Towie star Jess Wright and her friend Duane”…
There’s much to despise, from the jaunty theme tune to the fact this is nothing but a shop window for out-of-work showbiz types seeking West End bookings or a Strictly audition.
But the very worst aspect of Dance Dance Dance is the bare-faced lie that we aren’t i n the presence of highly accomplished dancers.
Laughable
So when Jonny said of girlfriend Chrissy’s Run DMC routine: “This could not be further from what she’s used to,” my gut told me he’d be right, if this was Celebrity Tin Mining.
Lo and behold, according to the Radio Times: “As a child she moved away from home to attend a dance school and trained seriously throughout her teenage years in everything from tap to ballet to street dance.” An isolated example, perhaps. At least it was until Lucy-Jo’s partner Rohan said of Footloose: “This is so far out of my comfort zone I can’t even tell you.”
Which isn’t quite the picture you get reading his bio: “Rohan has served as a back- up dancer for Beverley Knight, Kanye West and Lemar. The 30-year-old can cite myriad theatre credits. He was named the North England Tap Champion when he was young.”
So, as you can tell, he’s way out of his comfort zone here.
The moment, however, Dance Dance Dance went from pointless to laughable was shortly after Ashley Banjo spoke admiringly of “the journey of Jess Wright”.
Timor to Jess after her Beyoncé routine last Sunday: “I couldn’t imagine the Jess from show one doing this number.
“You’ve made so many improvements. This is a 7.5.”
Timor, back in episode one, to Jess: “Overall it was an amazing performance – 7.5.” It’s been a journey. A WEEK on from EastEnders’ bus crash and weirdly everything’s back to normal. I say normal. The soap loves its big set-pieces but has no idea what to do next. So scriptwriters tried making a Chinese racism issue out of the Goons’ harmless Ying Tong Song, with half the Queen Vic storming out in protest at Sylvie singing it dressed as a geisha. Seriously, what the hell?