Isle bet on Frank

TOWIE newbie Nathan from Massey on his split De La Love Island ex Cara over Hoyde: “It’s completely a thing will spark now. The littlest Very sad. If massive argument.” together two strangers thrown based, ITV2 on a tacky, Majorca- make it reality show can’t together, what hope is there for the rest of us? EVERY new series of The Island With Bear Grylls heralds an unwanted twist from C4.

The first two runs, with separate male and female groups making a hash of the survival game, were unmissable.

Then last year they plonked the two sexes within sniffing distance of each other and inevitably the show lost its appeal.

So I had concerns going into the latest meddling that has given us a bunch of 18 to 30-year-olds and a team of middle-aged warhorses on neighbouring desert islands. On first impressions, though, it works. The older contestants are reliably too long in the tooth to care about anyone’s opinion but their own. The young ’uns are equally reliably self- entitled, easily offended, thin-skinned cry babies.

So you can probably see why it all kicked off when they eventually met.

The oldies especially want little to do with the 18-30s.

By the second night the eight youngsters had reached “crisis point” and were “slowly dying” having failed to light a fire, purify water or find food. Then their camp became a quagmire so they rocked up at the older shelter unannounced with the cheerful message: “We’re going to come and join you.” Aghast faces all round. Individually, club 18-30 do themselves no favours either.

Gap-year student Freddie has already radioed off the island, leaving the camp with the gift of diarrhoea after getting bored boiling the water and going off with the girls limpet-hunting.

Kaggy and “unemployed graduate” Jordan had a nice swim instead of collecting firewood as asked.

And man-child Ben declared: “I’m the alpha, the man, numero uno,” before leading the group on a four-hour wild goose chase for a beach.

So far, however, it’s all about one man – Frank, 66, from Oldham.

He’s this series’ professional Northern stereotype, like Vic and Simon before him, whether he’s guzzling from a coconut and declaring it’s “better than John Willie Lees’s bitter” or admitting there’s “serious bother” if his tea isn’t on the table at 6.30pm.

A law unto himself is Frank. He goes wandering off regardless, to the point that he got carried away by the tide before the rest of his party was ready to move and almost drowned.

And you just knew what was coming when they played his VT: “My best qualities are my ability to train others and enthuse others to get involved.”

Cue Frank ahead of a hunting trip: “I need an assistant. Kaggs I want. Somebody less able.” Kaggy getting the hump: “I’m not less able, FYI.”

Bear Grylls: “With Kaggy turning down the role of apprentice, Frank recruits Freddie.”

Uh- huh. And your worst qualities, Frank? SIMON Cowell on last night’s BGT: “We like to see things we’ve never seen before.” Instead, though? An ancient floating ball trick, dancers in fancy dress (enough already) a drag act and Cowell