Please vary the tune Theresa

Earworm slogans are insult

THERESA May: an apology. For weeks I thought that the PM must be an earwig. Sorry, Mrs.

I don’t know my ears from my arthropods, because apparently you’re an earworm.

These are songs which lodge in your brain and you can’t get out of your head. Like Kylie Minogue’s Can’t Get You Out of My Head.

The PM irritates at this election by giving us an incessant “strong and stable” earworm crawling with a “coalition of chaos”.

This is blamed on her guru Lynton Crosby who has an ear for worms.

He reckons that only by repeating a message often enough will it sink in. Well, let me tell you, matey, the voters aren’t stupid and won’t take kindly to you treating them as if they are.

The other little soundbite Mrs May and her ministers chant on a loop is “nonsensical” applied to whatever Jeremy Corbyn says.

He could wish voters “good morning” on a lovely sunny day and the Tories would brand the greeting nonsensical.

To the Tories a Corbers plan never “adds up” which is only true if Diane Abbott is doing the arithmetic.

To get rid of pesky earworms scientists recommend not listening to the same song too often.

So turn off a Tory whenever one comes on TV. If that fails, singing your own songs helps.

Try it at rallies where Mrs May is speaking. At the top of your voice.

Chewing gum also blocks out earworms, but I’ll l eave it t o your imagination where you might stick it afterwards.

Mrs May’s earworms are becoming taxing when what we really want to hear is how taxing she will be if she wins on June 8.

We now know she plans to raise income taxes. So does Jeremy Corbyn, but only on the rich.

What we need to know is where Mrs May will strike.

Margaret Thatcher reduced basic rate income tax from 33 to 25 per cent – and increased VAT from 12.5 to 15 per cent.

Mrs May has ruled out a VAT hike so the basic rate, now 20 per cent, looks a target. We should be told. If the PM can stretch to a less nonsensical vocabulary.