May is Tories’ best in show

NEW research shows that dogs go through a moody adolescent phase just like teenagers. My research shows prime ministers do that too.

A study by Nottingham uni’s vet school for Guide Dogs for the Blind found the canine equivalent of the terrible teens is eight months old.

That’s when puppies become sullen, surly and glued to their mobiles at mealtimes texting “yo, bitch” to their pedigree chums.

OK, so I made that last bit up, though some trainee guide dogs are jolly clever. PMs also go doolally at about eight months, which was when that crackpot scheme to call a snap election began forming in Theresa May’s mind.

Perhaps like some teenagers she was toying with leaving home, because it almost cost her No10.

By the time PMs have been in office eight months they’ve lost touch with the real world, so cocooned are they by the security bubble which envelopes them.

TV interviewers used to catch them out by asking the price of a pint of milk, knowing full well they never bought one themselves. Nowadays PMs see that coming and have milk prices and those of other common household products drilled into them by aides like times tables.

Mrs May displays another doglike characteristic – she likes to go walkies, currently through the Italian Alps.

Topple

I hope husband Philip occupies her with a ball she can go fetch to take her mind off doing anything else potty.

If she keeps her head she can remain PM for two years, maybe longer.

Cabinet Brexiteers Liam Fox, David Davis and Boris Johnson are blindly running round like headless chlorinated chickens while their followers hustle for a leadership contest.

But I do not detect any serious plot to topple Mrs May by her MPs.

They fear that would lead to another election as supporters of the loser vote against the winner’s new government.

Mrs May’s best hope of thwarting rivals is to re-establish herself as their guide dog, but she must be able to catch in her teeth every curveball thrown at her. It will buy time to redeem herself and reassert her authority.

So beware of the top dog. She could yet winalot.