20-YEAR-OLD WHO CLAIMS I spend half a week as a woman and half as a man I’ve got a boyfriend
FREE-SPIRITED Tabitha DownsKing goes to bed each night not knowing whether she will wake up a man or a woman.
That’s because she is “gender fluid” – meaning some days she identifies as female and other days she feels male.
Tabitha, born a girl, loves makeup, patterned tights and heels.
But on the days she feels more like her male alter ego, whom she calls Tate, she binds her cleavage, paints on a moustache and even wears a fake penis.
Dressed as Tate, she draws shocked glances from passersby and is regularly berated for using men’s toilets.
Tabitha, 20, even claims being gender fluid is the reason she’s been unable to get a job. She said: “Each morning, it takes me a few minutes to grasp whether I am Tabitha or Tate.
“It really depends on how I am feeling, and I can switch from one gender to the other throughout the course of the day.
“Some might find this hard to understand but why should a person be defined by what is between their legs?
“I’m not going to pretend it is easy being both a man and a woman because I face discrimination every day from those who don’t understand the idea that gender isn’t fixed.
“I’ve been passed over for hundreds of jobs and I’ve even been beaten up but it’s made me a stronger person and I’ll never change who I am.”
Struggle
Tabitha, who is bisexual, has a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
And if she has children she wants them to call her “Mum” on the days she feels like Tabby and “Dad” when she is living as Tate.
She met her long- term partner, a 21-year-old fella, at college and they were friends before romance blossomed two years ago. And a few months later, she met her female lover in a pub near her London home and felt an instant attraction.
She said: “My main relationship is with my man but he understands there are times when I need to be with a woman.
“When I met my girlfriend, we all sat together and talked things through and he agreed I could sleep with her. Now, she means so much to me.
“He doesn’t mind as long as I don’t cheat with another man. I was open with both partners from the start.
“Neither seems to mind as they love me for who I am. However, I’ve spoken to some straight men who have admitted they’d struggle to be with me on the days where I am Tate.”
Tabitha’s parents split when she was a toddler but her biological dad, who is now living as a woman, helped her pick outfits and taught her to apply makeup.
She said: “I think I was born gender fluid and I’d have always identified as both male and female. It’s just who I am.
“But the fact I come from a very liberal background has helped me accept Tate instead of trying to suppress him.
“As a child, I was encouraged to play with both boys’ and girls’ toys and my parents painted my bedrooms neutral colours like yellow and green.
“The idea that boys wear blue and play with cars while girls have pink clothes and dolls has always been ridiculous to my family.”
Tabitha says she realised she was bisexual aged just eight. She said: “I knew my feelings towards the girls in my class were more than just those of friendship, I wanted to hug and kiss them.
“When I told my parents, they said it didn’t matter and they’d always love me for who I was inside.”
Yet the reaction of others was not so kind. Tabitha was badly bullied and beaten up during her school years because she admitted she fancied girls.
She said: “I was about 13 when I first toyed with the idea I could be both male and female.
“I was always treated like a bit of a freak. Girls would hide from me in the PE changing rooms and scream, ‘Don’t fancy me!’ I was even beaten up. The teachers didn’t do much to help as I think they saw me as a problem. I was too scared to explore my gender because I’d already been horrendously bullied over my sexuality.”
When Tabitha was 15 her dad – whom she now calls her “trans mum” – explained he was going to live as a woman. Tabitha said: “She was nervous about telling me but I had always suspected because of her interest in female clothes and makeup. “Instead of being upset, I was happy she was finally able to live the life she was meant to. “But suddenly there was a wardrobe of male clothes at my disposal. “I began experimenting with dressing as a man and it felt so natural, yet I knew I didn’t want to give up completely on being female. “Tate evolved as I