Clarkson must Carry On.. & on
I WILL really miss Clarkson & Co when they finally stop appearing on our screens.
Jeremy looks pretty gaunt after his brush with death following a bout of pneumonia and blood poisoning.
Although perhaps the biggest trauma for him was that it forced him to give up his 43-year, 40-a-day fag habit.
And he has said already he won’t go on forever and will stop when he isn’t funny any more. (There will no doubt be those screaming he’s missed that deadline by a decade.)
But I do worry that Richard Hammond’s driving will be the thing that robs us of a perfect TV combination of fast cars, giggling old men and exotic locations.
Seeing his Croatian-made electric supercar roll down a Swiss moun- tainside and explode into a ball of flames showed the dangerous side of the ultimate “men behaving ladly” show.
He’s lucky to be alive. And even more lucky if his wife and two daughters now let him take control of anything more powerful than a Ford Mondeo.
After all, it’s not the first time he has nearly killed himself behind the wheel.
Teenagers
Yes, the new series of Top Gear – sorry, I mean The Grand Tour season 2 – is back on our screens with more glamorous locations than a Bond film. But without the girls, of course. That would cramp their petrolheads- on- holiday style. And Clarkson, Hammond and May would have to stop acting like teenagers and grow up. But then I don’t don t think the blue lagoon. “This pool is a nightmare. It’s expensive rubbish”she shrieked, storming off with some choice language e the lifegualifeguard luckily couldn’t understand. underst From bagging the best t room in the house, to keeping companions compa Rosemary Shrager, Bobby George and Wayne Sleep regularlyregula updated on her bowel movements, mov miserable Miriam madem for Mari-GOLD telly. show would work. Grand Tour has to be as unPC as Top Gear ever was. It’s old school, chummy and aimed at lads. That’s why it works. And that’s why I love it.
Only Clarkson could get away with winding up Hammond over the £2million slinky, electric car he drives around the Swiss Alps in the first show, calling it a lady shaver.
The gruff old git would rather listen to the roar of a planet- savaging, turbo-charged petrol engine monster Lamborghini than get behind the wheel of silent, eco-friendly – though just as fast – electric Rimac car.
They are the kind of sniping comments that are made to shock just for the sake of it, but they are almost like innuendo in the old Carry On films – some of the most successful British movies ever.
Can Ca you really imagine those classics getting gettin made today? AN ail ailing Hercule Poirot (David Suche Suchet) finally bowed out in his final case, th the aptly-named Curtain (ITV TUreet, Encore sum quipit On Demand). at, His quis alit health was doluptat, fa fading corem but that dolore didn’t stop te him mincidunt tackling a villain lobor who got acilit people to praesenim kill or commit suicide alit ver then aut fed accummo off the landiamet dipsum ing ea ensuing grief. Poirot got even with Stephen Norton (Aidan McCardle) by shooting him and making it look self-inflicted. In a posthumous confession to old pal Captain Hastings (Hugh Fraser) the detective wrote: “I believe in killing I have saved lives.” Poirot signed off with a flourish in the letter and in life. A perfectionist to the end.