Embrace a new way in manger
I HAVEN’T stepped on the scales this week but II’m sure I’ve put on weight, maybe ev even 5lb, the average for Brits over Christmas. C Still, festive food bellies are good news n for the diet and fitness industry – and for knicker makers. Because while we ladies are fighting f the flab we are happy in our big b pants – further expanding this year’s year 10 per cent sales growth in “full brief briefs”. Yes, Bridget Jones pants will be WHILE away visiting family I went to the Christmas Day service at Holy Trinity Church in Stratford-upon-Avon.
It’s where Shakespeare was baptised and is buried and, with the choir, carols, crib and flickering candles, it couldn’t have been more traditional. Until the sermon, given by a cheery families minister, who asked all the children what Santa had brought them.
One pulled out a Nerf gun, another a toy crossbow and we even had Hatchimals and pirate Lego in the aisle. But a woman sitting alongside me was tutting in obvious disapproval. So when the cleric produced a wind-up Porg – from the new Star Wars movie – and set it walking on the altar, she went puce with outrage.
Now, I’m a traditionalist, but seeing those pews packed with young families, feeling the sense of community and hearing a minister making faith fun and even hotter in 2018 thanks to stars like Beyoncé, Rihanna and, erm, Hillary Clinton. Stop sniggering. According to one lingerie guru, Hillary’s lack of VPL makes her a role model, sending a powerful message that “our underwear makes outerwear look great”. Marvellous. I just wish it had got HER bum in the big chair in the Oval Office. Instead of the gigantic arse that’s occupying it now. relevant to modern kids was rather uplifting. Yet, a few days later I found myself raging at “political correctness gone mad” when I heard that Dennis the Menace has been softened up for today’s Beano readers. I huffed at reports that the MoD is gunning for gender-loaded words like manpower and housewife, and then railed against train bosses for renaming boilersuited engineers “Team Orange” as “Orange Army” is too macho. They’re just figures of speech, I thought. Where’s the harm? Then I saw it – written across the face of another child excitedly showing off his Christmas present. Lewis Hamilton’s young nephew being humiliated by his uncle for wearing a fairytale frock. “Boys don’t wear princess dresses!” mocked the F1 champ on an Instagram video seen by millions. But they could, if grown- ups stopped enforcing “traditional” stereotypes. In Shakespeare’s day young men played all his female roles and his plays are full of gender-bending plots. And when women were allowed on stage after 1660 they frequently played male characters. Times change and our language, culture and attitudes evolve. So institutions like the church, the military, Network Rail and even the Beano must adapt, too. That church minister ended his unconventional sermon quoting the opening “crawl” from The Last Jedi – about Luke Skywalker’s return to fight for the galaxy and “restore a spark of hope to the fight”. He stopped short of saying: “A long time ago, in a manger far, far away...” but we got the metaphor.