Let’s have a look at the old panic-ometer

Knee-jerk acts mark bad PMs JEREMY Hunt makes you sick. And that’s official. Illness absence at the Department of Health cost £856,882 last year

POLITICAL journalists were once summoned to the Cabinet Office for a top secret briefing on a terrorist plot to poison Britain’s water supply.

The spooks said it was a credible threat and we journalists were part of plans to tell the public how to protect themselves if it happened.

But we were told not to reveal anything unless it did happen – because it would cause panic.

So what did I do with this information? I panicked. I told my partner to stockpile as much bottled water as she could find.

Haywire

She wanted to warn our friends, but I told her on no account should she, as national security was at stake.

On reflection that was selfish but, hey, never let it be said I can’t keep a secret.

In the event the terrorist was caught, British water was safe and we had enough bottles of it to fill the Lake District. My family has taken the pee out of me ever since.

Prime ministers also panic. When domestic dogs seemed to go haywire in 1991 and ate children, John Major rushed in the ridiculous Dangerous Dogs Act. It banned four breeds but allowed dogs to continue feeding on kids as long as they did it in the privacy of their own homes where most children are found.

Theresa May panicked over sex harassment allegations and Defence Secretary Michael Fallon got his marching orders.

When the porn stash in Damian Green’s office came to l i ght he also panicked and told the stupid lie that he hadn’t known. It cost him his career.

And Mrs May still hasn’t worked out how to make the punishment proportionate to the crime.

It’s up to the electorate then to remain cool and calm.

Tories believe wealth cascades down to benefit all so they look after fat cat wealth creators.

Labour thinks wealth should be redistributed more fairly so we all get a bit more of it.

Your vote is broadly determined by which system you reckon works best. But how will you tell whether Jeremy Corbyn or Mrs May is more prone to panic attacks? Easy. Just check how much bottled water they keep in their attics.