Spreadsheets to bedsheets

USING baby talk to your infant will boost its vocabulary, say Edinburgh University researchers. Children find it easier to recognise words such as “choo-choo”, “din-dins”, and “peepo”. While Mama and Dada go slowly – ga-ga. LADIES, we have all been searching for the wrong type of Mr Right.

Forget heart-throbs like Heathcliff, Casanova or Christian Grey because passionate, romantic and spontaneous types will not keep you happy between the bedsheets.

No, what you need is a bloke who whips out his laptop and schedules sex on an Excel spreadsheet.

Because a study published in The Journal of Sex Research has found “conscientious, thorough and dutiful” men who feel a need to satisfy their partners are the most desirable to women.

Even if that means knickers off at 10pm sharp on alternate week nights and Sundays.

But I should point out that this research was carried out by our uber-efficient friends in Germany.

Vorsprung durch Technik, as they say in those parts. SWISS scientists have decoded an ancient document revealing what Romans thought of female desire.

A doctor working in the 3rd century claimed women deprived of sex for long periods would develop “hysterical apnoea” or lethargy and difficulty breathing.

And there was I thinking I had hay fever.points