Reality dawns on PM
FED-UP MP IS DRIVEN TO BOOZER May’s about to be voted out of political jungle
ONE of the best bits about this time of the year is that I’m A Celebrity is back.
The rest of reality TV is all a bit soso. X Factor is not what it was, The Voice is too complicated and Britain’s Got Talent is only fun in the earlier rounds, where they have people on like that fella who tried to break the record for the most number of After Eights you can eat in a minute.
But the jungle is a different matter, somehow. Despite being on the TV for 16 years now (I know!), it’s still fresh.
A large part of its appeal is that it really does feel like your vote matters and the will of the people is carried out before your eyes.
Sympathy
Hence, when Kilroy went in, all he had to do was appear on screen to end up plastered in slime.
And there is no better way to spend a night in than watching Kilroy or Paul Burrell or Gillian Mckeith or Katie Price, or some other national punchline, being forced by the Great British Public to eat something weird, get covered in bugs or just get a big bucket of s*** poured over them.
What’s also good is the sort of people that win. It’s not just the prettiest or the most intelligent. The public like people who are themselves, who get stuck in, who are brave.
And so to the current, bizarre swell of sympathy enveloping our very own Bushtucker contestant, Theresa May.
She’s had a weird sort of bounce in the polls THE Marquis of Granby, on Smith Square in Westminster, used to be a favourite haunt of Tory MPS and staffers before their HQ moved.
You could wander in and pick up the gossip any time of the day.
After the Tories left, UKIP moved in and the pub was full of their staff for a while. All that has lately, despite the disaster of her Brexit deal. But if you look carefully, this newfound air of confidence is actually resignation. This is a woman who knows the game is up. Because, deep down, she knows – like the rest of us – this deal is not good enough. Not for Leavers. Not for Remainers. Not for anyone. And the price for getting it through Parliament is going to be immense. The straightforward maths THE arrival of the rainy season brings my annual quest to get the leak over my desk sorted out.
It is very difficult to keep on top of the political issues of the day when you’re wearing a rubber hat.
The first year I raised it, the house authorities gave me a bucket. Last year, I got a bigger bucket. This year, as the leak gets worse and I get a mild electric shock each time I type ‘s’, we have a solution. Two buckets. gone now. So when I went for lunch this week I was amazed to see a well-known Tory backbencher on his own.
Normally smart, he was in jeans and a jumper, having something to eat and a Diet Coke.
I asked what he was doing there. “I’m pretty much on strike,” suggests it shouldn’t get through. But her future depends on it and we’ll now see a desperate attempt to sell this deal.
Mrs May will set up the false choice of this deal or no deal, or this deal or no Brexit.
She will push the line that the British people “just want to get on with it”.
And we do – of course we do. Personally, I have never been this bored with politics ever and I know many, many people feel the same.
But this is a vital decision and one that we must get right.
We’re not going to be bounced into he said, “It’s all just Brexit. What’s the f***ing point?”
What would it take, I said, to get you back to work?
“Easy. I’d be back like a shot if there was a new Prime Minister.” Jeremy Corbyn? “Actually, come to think of it,” he said, ”I quite like it in here.” something just because this Government has made such a hash of the negotiations.
And there are lots of options available apart from this horrible offer. They include the one the Tories fear most: a General Election.
So despite her putting a brave face on it and trying to strong-arm the public, it won’t wash.
And in the best I’m A Celebrity spirit, she will spend the next few days having to swallow a lot of very unpleasant things.
It is, after all, a jungle out there. Arch-brexiteer Andrew Bridgen had the line of the week when it came to the Brexit deal. Tory Mr Bridgen, left, is not best pleased about the Prime Minister’s attempts at negotiations. “She’s terrible, we are working with the only person in the world who would walk into DFS and end up paying full price.”