Perfect mother of all mysteries
EVERYONE with school-age kids will be familiar with Perfect Mum.
She looks immaculate at the school gates, never forgets World Book Day and her kids eat kale from their allotment – fish fingers are frowned upon.
Not to be confused with Instagram Mum, who is the same as above but records every waking moment with an arty, filtered photo.
While watching new drama Deep Water on ITV, I recognised Perfect Mum straight away. Kate, played by Rosalind Eleazar, asked her son Fergus to be careful as he carried in a two-tier cake for “dress up for history” day.
And his costume was likely home-sewn and NOT ordered from Amazon in a next-day delivery panic. Which I may or may not have done.
Later, Kate held a dinner party at her enormous mansion. Wealthy, attractive, heroic husband, two children. Perfect. Except of course, it never is. And it was the dinner party from hell.
Although Anna Friel’s character, Lisa, enjoyed some parts. In the bathroom.
Lisa is Chaotic Mum. Wears a lot of Fair Isle jumpers, forgets everything, even if it’s on the calendar, is always running late, never knows what’s happening at school and is easily intimidated by Perfect Mum.
Caught
Perfect Mum probably wouldn’t have left her knickers lying around after sex in someone else’s bathroom. Perfect Mum probably wouldn’t have been caught.
Downstairs, Kate was having a slanging match with bitchy sis Alexa, whose husband was busy removing Lisa’s knickers. And it turns out Kate and husband Guy are secretly separated. Not so perfect.
Elsewhere in the Lake District we met Holding It Together Mum. Calm on the outside, stressed- out on the inside – physiotherapist p Roz, ,p played y by y Sinead Keenan, had a lot going on. Her gambling husband Winston had blown all their cash and they, plus daughter Abby, face eviction in a week.
What luck, then, that a creepy client wants to give her a big wodge of cash for a “discreet physical relationship”. Yes, it suddenly turned into a certain 1990s movie – she’ll blatantly take the offer.
What with t he dysfunctional relationships, messed-up kids who bully or steal, constant water imagery – yes, everyone’s drowning, we get it – and an unsettling tension, this felt like HBO hit Big Little Lies. The only thing missing so far was a crime.
But right at the end we finally got it. Lisa, unsurprisingly, forgets to collect Kate’s daughter Lucinda from school – and she vanishes. Now we have one missing 14-year-old and a whole lot of blame.
“Who forgets a sleepover? What kind of mother are you?” yells Alexa.
Not Perfect, that’s for sure. KATE
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