Forgive us our flushed wipes

BLESS me, Father for I have eco-sinned ....

Parish priests are going to be spending hours in the confessional booth in future.

Because we Catholics have been told to ask forgiveness for sins against the environment as well as the usual greed, lust, gluttony etc.

And while I agree with the need to “create a sense of urgency towards our ecological crisis and those suffering from it’s ill effects” I’m not sure this is going to help.

Because God has got a lot more important things to do than absolve me for flushing wet wipes down the lav or mixing up the recycling.

And heaven knows how many Hail Mary’s I’ll have to say to atone for that

holiday flight to Costa Rica.

SMARTPHONE zombies are a pain in the neck, but now their selfish screen obsession is actually landing them in A&E.

Hospital figures reveal a surge in injuries, mostly to millennials, caused by mobile phone distraction.

Like crashing cars while texting, walking into a lamppost while scrolling or dropping their phone on their face while lying down.

Heads up guys – time to get a grip.

I’ve been spending hours online trying to buy furniture for my new flat.

But I’ve discovered I suffer from FOBO – Fear

Of Better Offers.

I see something I like but just can’t commit, in case

I find something I fancy even more.

My friends say it’s the same reason I haven’t taken up my online-dating offers. And that ANY bloke is better than the one I had before.