Make your sex life sizzle again
THERE are many hurdles to face in marriage – and a dwindling sex life is one of them.
While routine and familiarity is handy when it comes to friendship and parenting, it only serves to dampen excitement between the sheets.
A recent study published in Psychological Science found that one roll in the hay produces an “afterglow” of satisfaction for around two days.
But if you’re struggling to fit sex into your busy schedule, let relationship expert Michaela Boehm help.
Here, she reveals how to beat the biggest turn-offs.
What to do when...
THE SPARK IS GONE
A good relationship often comes from having things in common, with both of you pulling on the same side of the rope.
But over time, they lose polarity – the spark that attracted two opposites together.
It isn’t a death sentence for your relationship, just a sign you’ve entered a good place of commonality and communication.
It’s an easy fix, too – just be interesting to your partner again.
Go to a museum, eat at a new restaurant or take up a hobby. Having something new to talk about will reignite the spark. YOU’RE TOO TIRED FOR SEX
There is no quick fix for this one. You need to spend time NOT being busy, but that’s hard when you’re juggling work, family, a household and social commitments. Our non-stop lives make it hard for spontaneous sex so make time to address your sexual needs the way you would address any other. You wouldn’t go to the dentist without an appointment, would you? Actively cultivate your sex life by being disciplined with time spent on social media.
Stop mindlessly scrolling and go to bed earlier, leaving your phone downstairs. I have an old-fashioned alarm clock on my nightstand. YOU DON’T FEEL SEXY
A lack of sleep, hormonal changes and weight gain often come handin-hand with aging and the rigours of modern life.
Regular exercise will help counter that. I don’t necessarily mean spinning classes or intense workouts but moving your body, which is your instrument of connection. Even a simple walk can be beneficial.
We experience the sensation of pleasure through our bodies and being sedentary brings about a loss of desire. This is especially important for women, for whom sex is so much in the mind.
Try creating pleasant sensations throughout the day to reconnect your body and mind. Have a fragrant candle or flowers at your desk, or photos of people you love.
Wear something that feels pleasing on your skin or treat yourself to a luxurious hand cream – anything to remind your body it’s alive and can experience pleasure. SOMETHING HURTS
Most people have unrealistic expectations of sex but there are many ways to engage with your partner other than full intercourse.
We may not feel sexual but we’re always capable of feeling sensual, by touching, kissing and holding hands. If you have any physical challenges, learning different ways to be intimate is key.
Part of great sex is accepting our bodies and functions as they are.
For more information, visit michaelaboehm.com.