Eating heart of Britain

DANES HIT NET OVER BAILOUTS Why the worst restaurant ever must be saved

We hoped then that the story we told under the headline Care Home Time Bomb would have some effect on this slow-to-act Government.

We warned of untold, lonely deaths in the small rooms occupied by loved ones who cared for us for most of their lives.

We did that because we wanted to help avoid that awful prediction coming true.

The horrible tragedy is that our old folk are dying in even greater disproportionate numbers.

Dying alone and without full medical help, as though they no longer mattered to society. For months, not even included in the Government lists of virus victims.

Now the nation and the Government have woken up to the scale of the scandal. And it is even worse than was thought.

Today we publish another, necessarily controversial, front page that must be heeded. We urge the Government to take note and act to ensure our Covidsuffering elderly and the carers devoted to tending their needs receive the treatment and the equipment they need.

Disgrace

First they need to open up the new Nightingale hospitals to carehome patients. There is the room.

More staff are needed. Ministers should make it happen to save lives that will otherwise be lost.

An effective programme of testing is needed to prevent patients with Covid-19 from being sent home, untreated and at risk of spreading the virus further.

The shortage of protective kit is an absolute disgrace. Staff forced to use J cloths as masks is just one of the desperate measures being taken to improvise in the absence of adequate PPE.

The despair in the wretched diary of a care home worker detailed on pages six and seven throws shocking light on the conditions being endured.

We defy any minister not to be shamed. Without a comprehensive plan the scandal will continue.

Staff will continue to leave the service, literally fleeing for their lives while elderly patients die in painful misery.

This is not a time bomb waiting to explode. It’s going off now.

It’s time to act.

I’M not going to give you the name of the worst restaurant I ever went to because (a) this is not that sort of column and (b) it was run by the type of character who, if you left a bad review, would appear one night at the end of your bed.

I went with my friend after we’d been working all day, a long way from home.

It was in a small town and there was nothing open. We walked for ages looking for somewhere. In my mind now, there was lightning and all that. Maybe the howling of wolves.

Then we came across this place between a boarded-up shop and one of those funeral showrooms with coffins in the window.

We went in. There was no one around and it was really dark.

But in the half-light you could make out really puzzling decor. Some Chinese-looking dragon paintings, Greek statues, pictures of the Colosseum, castanets, a brass diver’s helmet and a set of antlers... Like the graveyard of all other restaurants.

Eventually an elderly gentleman emerged slowly from the darkness dressed – and I kid you not – in an illfitting sailor suit. Imagine if Popeye had swapped spinach for Special Brew.

“Ah,” I said. “We were wondering. So you’re a seafood place?”

“What makes you say that?” he said, without a flicker.

Silence. Then he turned and wordlessly led us to a dark table at the back, as far away from the door as possible. Presumably many before us had fled.

There were no menus, explained

DENMARK. What a great place. Lego, bacon, brilliant 1986 World Cup side. Helena Christensen. And now an example on how to treat business during the crisis.

The Danish government has said no firm that pays out to shareholders, buys back its own shares, or is registered in a tax

Popeye. They were at the printers. So we just had to guess.

“Can I have a steak?” We don’t do steak. “What about some chicken?” Ran out. “What about a cheese sandwich?” No cheese. Or bread. “Why don’t you tell us what you HAVE got?”

“I’ll go and check,” said Popeye, shuffling into the darkness.

We sat in a terrified silence. It would have been faster service in the coffin shop. He returned after about half an hour. “There’s catfish.”

“Catfish?”

“Yes. It’s a type of fish.” haven will be bailed out. So if you were, say, a billionaire airline owner who didn’t pay any UK tax you shouldn’t be eligible.

Mind you, everyone seems to be at it. A report by the Common Wealth think tank shows the UK’S top 100 firms have paid out hundreds of billions in dividends

“Does it come with anything?”

“I’ll check.”

“No, no, no, no. We’ll take it.” After an incredible length of time he returned with our plates. Put them down. Shuffled off wordlessly.

I’m not sure to this day what it was, but it was neither fish nor cat. A sort of grey meat that tasted like it had just been ironed. Except cold.

We worked out the bill, threw down some cash and fled into the night.

Anyways, I mention this just because – however much of a near-death experience that was – I would give anything in the last few years, turning the corporation into “an engine of wealth extraction” for bosses and shareholders – and leaving business woefully underprepared for a crisis like this.

So maybe now is the time to rebalance business. And find a fairer way of operating. in the world to be there now. News is starting to emerge that we could be looking at Christmas before we get to go to a restaurant or pub again.

How many of them can survive until then? And what will they look like when they do re-open? It’s hard to imagine social distancing in an environment designed for quite the opposite.

But what is important is that Government helps restaurants with rent holidays, wages support and grants.

And that as much care as possible is given to employees, who all deserve fair treatment. Even Popeye.