I’m made up with this reality glow!
Tytyty tytyty tytyty
X-RAY Earth on Nat Geo on Tuesday was the most terrifying thing I’ve seen in ages – and I’ve been watching the news.
The documentary asked what would happen if the largest volcano on the planet, underneath America’s Yellowstone National
Park, ever erupted. As if we haven’t got enough going on right now.
The general consensus?
Well, it certainly wouldn’t be good. “Worse than an asteroid impact,” said one expert. “We’d be crushed alive,” said another. “The Earth would be plunged into a volcanic winter.”
Ok, ok, we get it…
Fortunately, it hasn’t happened for thousands of years and is unlikely to ever happen again. Right? Maybe don’t answer that.
JUST when you thought there wasn’t a skill that hadn’t been given the reality show treatment, Glow Up: Britain’s Next Make-up Star landed on BBC3.
And we must have surely loved it because it’s back. It’s the make-up contest that answers the question: “Can we make applying lip liner fascinating?”
The show sees ten wannabe makeup artists – aka MUAS – take on assignments in a bid to bag a contract.
Stacey Dooley is the excitable host, hired presumably because of her ability to connect with the ‘yoof’.
Which is handy, because the average contestant is a 20-year-old who spends most of their time experimenting with eyeshadow in their bedroom.
Of course, every good reality show needs unnecessarily harsh judges and Rupaul’s Drag Race levels of bitchiness and sass.
This one obliges. Dominic Skinner, he of the twirly moustache, is not afraid to hammer home his opinion, while Val Garland gives off terrifying Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada vibes.
Occasionally, if she gets excited, she will yell, “Ding dong!” for reasons only known to her.
“She could literally spit on me and I’d say thank you,” declared 22-year-old Berny, winner of challenge one.
They had to do the make-up for sports retailer JD’S Christmas ad campaign, using flashes of gold and silver.
But guest judge Min Sandhu was horrified by one effort. “When you put silver in someone’s brows, it just makes them look like Santa Claus.”
Val also blasted the contestants and said: “Next time you’re given a brief, stick to it.” What a scary world make-up artists must live in.
Later, they had to make themselves over to reflect who they are. Someone started sticking a row of paintbrushes to their head, while another girl turned herself into an alien with putty.
“Is she mad!?” bitched the judges, watching in the background like a couple of giggling schoolgirls.
Then, one by one, the contestants all had to step forward to be judged.
There was a “Ding dong” – a saucier version of Bake Off’s Hollywood Handshake – while others were shouted at.
“Are you taking this seriously?” Dominic asked Jake, the 19-year-old who spent the whole time trying not to stab any of the models with his two-inch nails.
Then Ashley was sent home after having the audacity to do a reverse ombre (no, me either).
She had earlier panicked: “If I go out first round, my friends will call me ‘first round’ for the rest of my life.” So I guess her days were numbered.
This is an angsty, youthful show that certainly glows.
PAUL
Hollywood Eats
C4 on Tuesday Japan on
a saw the baker eat
a whopping strawberry worth
solitary fruit £350. Shocking. The
box and sent came in its own gift
– but you’d Paul into raptures
for that bloody hope so
A big amount of money.
must budget treat that
be berry special.
WHITE Lines on Netflix on Friday found 20 years after he disappeared.
She Tureet, was a weird genre mash-up – a
sum quipit ncincilit veros digna wants to get to the truth, goddammit. crazy at, tale of drugs, sex and power set in
quis alit doluptat, faccumsandio Actor-of-the-moment Daniel Mays sun-drenched corem Ibiza.
Mplaarycsums,ifdidrslte-saegeendsidnjgainngd Mdrouvgindgeaolnerup, dolore te conumsa ndionsequi
One mincidunt minute it had some Death In
lobor erciduipit lorper sum
Paradise-style radise-style acilit c comedy, the next it felt
praesenim alit quis acilisit later spotted trying to stop his dogs like internation international ipit ver aut landiamet thriller Riviera, with
augiat. Sum in snorting cocaine. cop drama, ute accummo fam family dipsum saga and slapstick
ing corper ipis nonsed Ex-corrie actress Angela Griffin also thrown ea in for go good measure. commy nos nim tat. Unt augait stars as an orgy party madam.
The cast is as eclectic accum aliquamet, verosti velenis as the plot. It all felt disjointed and bizarre at Guardians of the nit autem
Galaxy’s Laura first but as the plot thickened, I was Haddock plays Zoe, whose reeled in. The TV equivalent of an airport
brother’s body has been novel page-turner.