E L T I P S V R T

Yet soon after landing in the concrete jungle, I was picking my way along the footpath at Bremmer Calmont, home to the steepest vineyards in the world.

It’s mind-boggling that anyone can work at such an angle – and just as I was thinking it was thirsty work, I came upon a rest shelter complete with a wine vending machine.

I put in my money, then sat back to sample a glass of crisp local Riesling while surveying the serene sweep of river below.

The Germans are famous for their beer gardens but not many people give much of a thought to their wine.

It does not have a great tradition – remember Blue Nun? – but the vineyards that do exist are in spectacular locations.

They may be the most northerly vineyards in Europe, but the velvety landscapes of the Rheingau and Mosel regions are more verdant than the Loire, more gorgeous than Champagne country, and have a micro-climate that makes grapes happy.

My weingarten – wine garden – odyssey started with a short train ride from Frankfurt to the banks of the Rhine river at Rudesheim.

It is a popular waterside town that, in normal circumstances, would be packed with international visitors from Rhine cruisers.

Here, the bars offer tasting flights of local wines and around the town, the southern-facing slopes are quilted with vineyards tilting their faces to the sun.

In the evening, after the cruise ship customers had gone for the day, I settled down in one of the small weingartens by the riverside that serve fresh and crisp dry Rieslings at modest prices.

Around me, the locals seemed to have brought their own food. It all felt very relaxed.

I stayed in the Rhine Valley’s equivalent of a Loire chateau – the Hotel Baron Knyphausen, with the young Baron Frederick himself serving in the wine bar he recently had built in the garden.

In excellent English, he told me the family history and explained how all his grapes were hand-picked from the family vines.

Next day, I drove east to the banks of the Mosel, a tributary of the Rhine, where I found a dreamier and more intimate version of the mother river.

It is in a valley strung like a harp with scores of sun-worshipping vineyards – including those on the aforementioned steep Bremmer Calmont hillside.

Down below me, the Mosel had less boat traffic than the Rhine, but the occasional passenger boat linked

Wine tour company Bottlestops offers minibus-based English language tours that include two tastings and cost £130 per day. See bottlestops.com.

There is a great cycle path along the banks of the Mosel. Hire bikes from Zweirad Wagner in Trarben-trarbach for £10 a day. See zweirad-wagner.de. Lots of boat operators offer short trips on the Rhine (KD Lines, k-d.com) and the Mosel (Kolb,

moselrundfahrten.de).

Dreamy

local towns together. The riverbank was lined with no end of weinguts – wineries – many of which had guesthouses attached and cute outside terraces.

Of the towns, I particularly liked Traben-trarbach, which is overlooked by a ruined castle and has several Art Deco wine merchants’ villas along the waterside.

And then there was ultra-pretty Bernkastel-kues, where halftimbered houses seemed to whisper conspiratorially to each other across the cobbles.

Here, in the cellars of the former St Nikolaus Hospital, you can drink as many of the 200 regional wines as you like for a flat fee of £16.

If that was in the UK, customers would be passed out on the floor.

In the end, the only bottle I ended up buying was in the village of Krov, famous for its Krover Nacktarsch – or “bare bum” – wine, with the picture on its label showing a cellarman smacking a boy’s naked bottom.

A local winemaker explained how a 19th century cellarman had caught youngsters stealing his wine, so punished them in a manner typical of the time.

So the nation that gave us Blue Nun also offers Bare Bum – and it’s worth travelling to find.

FACTFILE: Doubles at the Hotel Baron Knyphausen cost from £93, with breakfast. See booking.com.