I almost slept through Lions yawn chorus

TO say that following England during the past week was akin to watching paint dry is an insult to emulsion.

How anyone can turn a frontline which reads ‘Sterling, Kane, Sancho’ into the clueless dollop of nothingness which emerged in Reykjavik and Copenhagen is beyond me.

My teenage daughter’s bedroom – glasses, plates and clothes piled up as far as the eye can see – is a far more hazardous environment than anything that trio managed to create for the oppositions’ defences.

After sitting through 90 minutes of tedium – twice – Three Lions boss Gareth Southgate (below) gave us the ‘we learned a lot’ line after the snoresville in Scandinavia.

An even bigger affront to our intelligence. It’s boring, on and off the pitch.

I lost count of the number of times the ball went backwards and forwards, inside and out, never going anywhere with purpose.

They say a football team reflects its boss.

Southgate has always been one of my favourite people to deal with, irrespective of the fact he got this job just by being a safe pair of hands in the right place at the right time.

But when the colour of a waistcoat is newsworthy, we’re in trouble.

His squad selection was lopsided – no recognised left-back or wing-back.

His original exclusion of Jack Grealish made no sense. And it was Southgate on watch when Mason Greenwood and Phil Foden erred.

The Nations League is not important. Just friendlies, really.

But nothing about England’s last two weeks was good enough. From selection and performances to Icelandic women in your bio-bubble.

It all needs to improve.

THE PREMIER League STILL refuses to make a decision on the future of Newcastle United. It’s cowardly.

There is no bid, apparently. Only there is. Otherwise why would Toon owner Mike Ashley break ranks this week and say it has been rejected?

The Premier League says it hasn’t. They are just ‘waiting for information from the buyers’.

So now we’re asked to believe that parties happy to find £300million can’t stump up a few pieces of paper?

It’s five months and counting. The list of excuses has worn thin.

Could the Premier League just be stalling, scared about losing income from deal critics Bein Sports – the Qatar-based TV giants who believe broadcast piracy means any Saudibacked takeover is like “letting the fox into the henhouse”?

Time the Premier League stopped being chicken and got off the fence.