‘My life gets better the older I get’
After celebrating her milestone 50th birthday, Melinda Messenger reflects on life lessons and why she now feels ready to date again
It’s hard to believe that Melinda Messenger turned 50 last month. With her youthful appearance and flowing blonde locks, it’s safe to say the TV presenter and former model looks fabulous as we catch up. She is joined at her Berkshire home by her children Morgan, 20, who works in sales and marketing, and Evie, 17, who is studying for her A levels. Meanwhile, son Flynn, 19, is busy working as a gardener.
Melinda and their father, Wayne Roberts, divorced amicably in 2012. And as she enters a new decade, she tells us she couldn’t be happier – but would love to have a special someone in her life. “I’d like a really equal relationship where I’m not doing the mother role,” she laughs.
Here, Melinda, who is training to be a psychotherapist, tells us more…
You turned 50 in February, Melinda. How are you feeling?
I’m excited about the next decade of my life. I’m chuffed that I made it to 50 and I’m fit and healthy. My experience is that my life gets better and better the older I get. There are far more benefits that come with getting older than losses.
Did you celebrate?
When everything is back to normal [after the lockdown eases] I might have my first-ever big party. It’s also Morgan’s 21st this year and Evie’s 18th, so the plan is to visit my family in America if we can.
What are the biggest lessons you’ve learnt growing older?
How to look after my own needs. I would always put the needs of others first. Also, I’ve learnt the importance of self-care and self-love – and not to worry about what others think.
How do you feel about ageing?
I take it for what it is. Growing older is a privilege and I’m grateful to be here. I still look after myself the best I can. I am an ambassador for the Harley Street Skin Clinic and see Dr Khan – he is brilliant. Fifty isn’t what it used to be. I remember thinking 50 was ancient but those of us who are the new 50s get to live it according to us.
Would ever consider a nip or tuck?
I’d never say never to anything. I don’t feel any need for that now but if I felt I wanted to do something and it was someone I trusted, why not? It’s a bit like looking after a house – you don’t want to let it all fall apart!
Is there a special someone in your life at the moment?
I’m single! I’m just starting to think it would be nice to date. I’d love to meet somebody but I’m quite shy so I would never make the first move. I’d like an equal relationship where I’m not doing the mother role. I’ve learnt it should be equal when it comes to looking after each other. I feel more open to dating now as the kids are all fine – it feels like the right time.
Have your children ever tried to set you up with someone?
No, but Morgan is always saying, “Mum, why don’t you get on dating apps?” Evie tells me I need to hang out in libraries and meet someone!
Is it hard to date in the public eye?
Yeah. I think dating sites are a great idea but I’m just a little bit worried I’d attract the wrong type – someone who has an idea of you because you’re famous. I might join the Sara Eden Introductions agency, as that feels more of a gentle approach and is local to me, so that’s a possibility. I just have to get over my fear of dating!
‘I don’t feel the need for a nip or tuck, but I’d never say never’
Would you marry again?
I have no particular desire to get married again but I’m not against it. I think marriage is a lovely thing when you’re building a family together. If I found a partner again and all the ingredients were there, it doesn’t feel like we would need a wedding to make it solid. If I did anything
I would do something like a hand-tying ceremony to mark it. I’m not so keen on the whole contractual thing.
Do you and Wayne co-parent 50/50?
The kids live with me. Wayne moved to Devon, so they visit him on occasion and they talk on the phone all the time, but it’s been difficult with lockdown.
Do you get on?
We have a good relationship and we prioritise the kids and their wellbeing. We are still their mum and dad. We will always be in one another’s lives because of our children.
Are there any aspects of being a single mum you find tough?
There were times when one of the children would be having difficulties and that was hard because I would have loved another person there for the support. But it’s definitely better than being in an unhappy relationship.
You’ve said your marriage ended after you began your psychotherapy journey. Did part of you feel liberated after that process?
It was mixed. I knew the relationship needed to end but I found it difficult to do that. The end was hard and I went through huge grief, loss and depression. But after that process the sense of liberation came. I am a million times happier now. I think going through psychotherapy has made me a better mother because I’m much more aware of myself, so less reactive, and I’m happier and more at peace within me, which does make it easier to parent.
How is your psychotherapy training going?
I’m doing my master’s degree, which
I’ll finish next year, and then that will be my full-time career alongside bits of TV and media. I quite like the idea of a therapy and property show – looking at the psychology behind why we make these transformations.
Have you felt better equipped for lockdown after your training?
Absolutely. I’ve loved it and it’s felt like a gift to have this extra time. The only drawback has been how painful it is for so many people. It’s hard seeing my children not being able do all the things they’d be doing at their age.
You’ve said you can imagine Morgan being on TV. How would you feel if he did something like
Love Island?
I’d be terrified. I support them all in whatever they want to do but Morgan can be a wild card. He’s a lovely guy but he’s not afraid to say what he thinks and has strong opinions. Evie’s very academic. From a tiny age she’s said she doesn’t want children
because she’s going to travel the world as a marine biologist. Flynn is the opposite – he’s desperate to have kids and wants two girls called Violet and Pearl. So I know I’ll be a gran!
Tell us about your home…
We moved in three years ago. It’s a 1960s bungalow with four bedrooms and an extension. I chose it because of its location. It’s in the woods but on the edge of a village – my idea of heaven. We have deer coming to the garden and horses in the summer.
‘I was fearful of how we were going to survive’
What’s been your most extravagant purchase?
I’m not an extravagant purchaser. Most of my things I’ve had forever. I’ve inherited the kitchen here and it’s dilapidated but until it’s falling apart I won’t replace it. There are a few antique things I’ve had 30 years.
You’ve invested in a lot of properties over the years…
I think this will be my 14th! I love renovating and that’s the plan with this place. I don’t go into it thinking it’s going to make money. I have in the past but now I tend to do up a place so I love it. I want to add skylights, the floors have to be changed and I’m going to turn the back wall into a big picture window. I think I’ll do a loft conversion, maybe make a mezzanine in the lounge. It will probably cost £20,000 to do the basics, but that’s including two new bathrooms. I won’t go crazy. I’ve made errors in the past by buying expensive bathrooms and kitchens. You don’t need to.
You’ve spoken about losing £250,000 in 2010 after investing in a company. Did that change your relationship with money?
Completely. I went through the whole fear of how we were going to survive. I had to learn everything about money and what it meant to me. What I came to understand was I had a lack of value for myself, so I didn’t really value my money and I would just give it away. That was a painful lesson to learn. Now I feel like I have more even though I have much less.