WE’RE A & IT’S LOVE
How hubby, his wife and their
THREE’S a crowd, they say... but it’s the perfect number for Tom Hillyard, his wife Lesley and their girlfriend, Emma Coomber.
The throuple have been together for two years after a jokey suggestion by Tom about bringing another woman into the relationship became a reality.
Now he, Lesley and Emma are thoroughly committed to each other, sharing everything from a super-king-size bed to household chores and bills.
The trio, who live in East Sussex, have even discussed starting a family together – but no decisions have been made on who would carry a baby.
Lesley says: “People have such preconceptions about our relationship.
“When people think of throuples they think crazy kinks. It’s nothing like that.
“We are all in love with each other. I think some people think we are massive swingers or something but it’s just not true. We have a loving relationship like other couples – there’s just three of us, that’s all.”
Lesley, 24, and Tom, 25, married in 2017 and both knew the other was bisexual. Three years later, they decided to bring another woman into their relationship on a long-term basis.
“It kind of started out as a joke,” says Tom, who works in management at a supermarket.
“I said to Lesley, ‘Do you want a girlfriend?’ It was something we had discussed. We are both bisexual and open to exploring that.”
Lesley adds: “We started discussing bringing in a third person – not in a weird way, in a relationship way.
Connection
“It was decided straight away that it would be a throuple rather than just polyamorous.
“Some people have open relationships, but we wanted to be exclusive.”
Polyamory is a term which typically involves people having multiple, intentional relationships with the consent of all parties involved.
After making the decision to find a girlfriend, Lesley joined Taimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app. And after a few false starts she met Emma, 31, from Wiltshire. They started talking and met up alone after around a month.
Tom was introduced to Emma later and she eventually moved in as the UK went into its first lockdown.
Emma says: “I was a bit nervous when I met Tom for the first time.
“When Lesley told me she was married and looking for a throuple, I’d never thought that was something I would want but I was open to it straight away.
“It took time for me to fall in love with him. It did take me a bit longer to get that feeling with him as I had been talking to Lesley for so long – but there was an instant connection, right from day one.
“They made a lot of effort to bring me into the fold.”
While Tom admits the dynamics between all three are different, he says the relationship works in a traditional way.
He and Lesley did everything they could to make Emma feel welcome and an equal part of the throuple.
Tom says: “We understood that it could be difficult as Lesley and I had been together, that we would be naturally much closer than we would be with Em.
“We tried to counteract it as best we could to make sure she didn’t feel left out. I do love Emma. We realise that the dynamics are different. We find a happy medium where we can all work on our relationship together.”
Although there was inevitably some jealousy early on, the throuple dealt with every issue straight away to prevent resentment building up or problems occurring further down the line
Emma goes on: “The first-line communication wasn’t great.
“But I think that was down to my self-esteem and confidence. I wasn’t confident in myself. I didn’t think
I was good enough. But they have been so supportive and reassuring – eventually I have come to realise that communication is the main thing.” Lesley, who works as a senior financial administrator and sells artwork on the side, agrees with Emma – and says honesty is key, too.
She adds: “It is just the same as any other relationship.
“Communication is key. We don’t argue much, just random tiffs. I think we argue less than others.” The trio have opened up to family and friends and say they have never come across any negativity – although some relatives were understandably a bit taken aback.
Lesley reveals: “It was scary, telling our friends and our family, but they have all been very welcoming.
“It took a while to adjust. Really, we have never had a problem. We did keep it secret at first, in case it didn’t work out.
“But our friends are more open to that world now.
“They have realised there’s a lot more to life than just two people. Tom laps it up, really. There was a stag do last year.
We spoke of bringing in a new person, but not in
a weird way